No diss, but I'm so weird that I even feel weird by Hexbear standards, and that is an accomplishment.

I can't relate to a lot of people. I have no interest in cisheteronormativity and gender roles, and that alone will distance me from most people. However, even other people I encounter who may feel the same way in that regard generally tend to be too damn .

I have no interest in drinking or consuming any drugs, and I'm uncomfortable with the subcultures around drugs. My taste in music is odd and hard for a good deal of people to relate to, but that's one of the lesser of the problems with my weirdness, as there are plenty of fans of various prog metal bands, both obscure and mainstream, to vibe with. It goes hand-in-hand with my internalized racism in a way, as my taste in metal music always got other people, both black and white, to call me an "Oreo."

Don't even get me started on the neurodivergence, alongside how my mind perceives so many subjects differently than a lot of other people do. That makes me feel broken.

I hate talking about "weirdness" like this, especially on the internet, because there is a toxic tendency online to assume that anyone who talks about their own weirdness is trying to come off in a "look at me, I'm so quirky!" kind of way that Redditors love to shit on, but I am actually addressing this for the opposite reason.

Anything that has made me stand out from other people has made me hate myself a lot. I wish I could be a normie sometimes, but also... normies are the kind of people who think it's okay to vote for war criminals, so maybe not?

I should get to a point where I don't see any of my "weird" traits as bad because that goes hand-in-hand with my internalized bigotry. The more I accept "out of the norm" as meaning bad, the more I'll continue to question if I even deserve life simply because of my race, gender identity, sexual orientation, and neurodivergence.

I'd like to think that I'm not weird, but I think the fact that I continue going on social media and seeing things that literally millions of people relate to, but my identity and my interests make it seem like I'm completely unable to even slightly understand these things makes it hard to believe that I'm not weird.

What is "weird," anyway? That word has different connotations, honestly.

I'm kind of rambling a bit, but to sum things up, I genuinely don't know if I'm "good" or "bad" or "neutral" for being so weird.