And no, I don't mean, the supposed "Playful Bullying" (that will upset me too, same with being teased), or being even lightly prodded.
The other day, I was questioned on whether I "actually am a leftist", by a friend. After I nervously answered fairly basic questions such as believing in healthcare and collective labor, they weren't convinced. Ever since that day, I felt like I couldn't be a leftist, especially since I lost any confidence in my ability to be "better" according to that person's standards. If I couldn't satisfy their standards that one time, what would be the point of trying to read theory and trying again? Yes I admit, I haven't tried to read theory. I have no confidence that I would do it correctly.
So, I was already completely lacking in confidence in actually being a good enough leftist. But after that incident where I was bullied and picked on, even for a few minutes... Something in me gave up trying to keep up with the people on this website. It also made me fear and lose confidence in trying, for fear that I would encounter other "Secret Tests of Character" like that.
I feel as though in terms of personality, I am too quiet, too shy, and I have too little to say or contribute anyways, to feel at home here. It feels as though speaking the loudest and having lots to say is what matters the most here, and that is something I cannot do.
So, given that everyone insists "read theory", which I haven't been able to, does this mean I am not at the standards I seem to see here?
Yes you will be bullied for not meeting our standards but afterwards you will realize how rational our standards are. (Don't be a bigot and always side with the demise of the american empire you'll be ok for a while.)
You can be a leftist. You don't have to "be" better but you do need to think better than "unions are good" and "healthcare is a right." Leftism is a rejection of capitalism, and a demand for true equality and the end of private ownership of the means of production.
As far as theory goes start with the Communist Manifesto. Its a really easy read and if you agree with it you are probably a leftist. There are Anarchist manifestos that would also be considered leftism but disagree with Marx on some things but I'm not an anarchist so I can't point you in a good direction. Deeper theory will hopefully make you a better leftist but it won't change the core idea.