Please note: This post contains my own emotions and thoughts. I did not write this post to be inflammatory or cause drama. Also contains SA

I 100% believe the left can only succeed if we accept all people, regardless of identity. This includes men. I also believe that the only way we can keep young men from going alt-right is empathy for their plights.

That said, I've been dealing with a lot of irrational anger towards men as a group even though I don't want to be. Every time I read/listen to opinions by men on women's issues it drives me up the wall. It makes me so mad. These people have mothers, daughters, wives, friends who have most likely experienced assault or rape and they can't even be assed to believe women when they talk about their experiences.

It makes me angry that men have to be center of everything. I'd be so embarrassed if I interjected "what about meeeeeee" every time someone talked about their own issues. It makes me wonder how self-centered you must experience the world to do this.

I read a comment the other day by a woman on reddit. She wrote something a long the lines of "It took me 50 years of life experience and raising a daughter to realize that most men do not like women". I think I agree. I especially find porn extremely telling of this. As someone in their 20s I do notice how boomer men treat me like a stupid child, but have no issues sexualizing me.

Thoughts?

  • carbohydra [des/pair]
    ·
    4 years ago

    By all accounts, I belong to the demographic that should have turned into a misogynist incel shitlord by now, but instead I'm a misandrist volcel shitlord. Why? I don't fucking know.

    If patriarchy had some genius solution, it would have been solved by now. Men giving up social status and power in exchange for, what, getting more "in touch with their feelings" isn't really an appealing deal. It is a zero sum game.

    Women are socialized to, well, socialize more. So they have a bigger friend circle and a bigger support network than men, who basically have to fit their entire social circle into one person, the mythical gf, who is obviously a single flawed person just like everyone else, and can't replace an entire varied and infinitely complex social circle. How could the man not be disappointed and bitter at this, lashing out verbally or physically?

    So I don't think the solution has too much to do with sorting out male-female relations, we just need men to hang out with each other and make friends and most of the problems wouldn't have a catalyst anymore. Dudes rock.

    • POKEMONGOTOTHEGULAG [none/use name]
      ·
      4 years ago

      How would men hanging out with men change the general dislike of women? I get that a sense of comradery would help against alienation (which is a catalyst for a lot of male violence), but I don't see how that would change inter-gender dynamics.

      • carbohydra [des/pair]
        ·
        4 years ago

        Men may dislike women in general, but they must worship their own woman. It's their Disney princess who will fix their life for them, which makes other women superfluous. I guess my point is that men need to hang out with people among whom they aren't looking for this princess, who will realistically mostly be men. It's not just about combating alienation, it's about not expecting a princess who can replace everyone else, because princesses don't exist, and wishing for one is a sign of desperation that can only lead to resentment. The general dislike probably also comes from this.

          • carbohydra [des/pair]
            ·
            4 years ago

            Have you met men? Even if they have "friendships" they are usually shallow and fleeting. The only relationship they potentially invest with emotion and vulnerability is the gf, and many not even that. I mean that they need to spread that out across more people, both to reduce the burden on the gf and to bond closer with men. #NotAllMen but I'm thinking structures here. My point is that even if they have a princess, she can't replace an entire friend group.

            Alienate romance.

            Dis-alienate friendship.

    • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I don't think it's necessarily zero-sum. Patriarchy hurts men too.

      Even the men who "win" under patriarchy have to constantly worry about women getting the better of them or ceasing to be loyal to them. Men would be better off seeing other genders in a congenial and approachable light, compared to seeing them in a competitive and oppositional light.

      • carbohydra [des/pair]
        ·
        4 years ago

        I didn't make it clear that I'm talking about two things: men having power over women (zero sum), and men being alienated generally (not zero sum). These are related in weird ways. We should be honest that men need to lose power in order to be less alienated.