CW: linked song refers to suicide and lobotomy. I've been really beating myself up over fucking up an entire course I was taking a few years ago. The short version of the story is that I (in terms of objective correctness of solutions to the math problems) earned a 90ish percent on an exam. The professor grading the exam noticed that technically, I did not follow the instructions that told test takers to copy and paste the output of their code from the terminal to a text document and submit it with the test. Instead, I turned in my source code with the test, without much thought, because ADHD, tunnel vision, and stress of taking a single test which forms the basis for 95% of the grade in the class.

A few days later I talk to the professor about the grade I received on the exam (a 62%). Fucking piece of shit deducted nearly a third of the points on the only exam of the term because I submitted my code and not a screenshot or pasting of the output it produced.

Now, (almost every time I fuck up the mental juggling act or misinterpret something because I'm tunnelvisioning or spreading my attention too thin), I think about this and enter a few negative thought loops in which I berate myself.

Anyways, after a few years of this, I heard "Marsha thank you for the dialectics, but I need you to leave", and somehow actually connected the dots between my intellectual understanding that a shit grade in course I would have aced because the professor is an unempathetic power tripping shithead doesn't matter, and that my inability to mechanistically fit into the systems that pervade society demanding people be competent, enjoy their work, and also keep track of minutiae like the difference between pasting the output of your code and your code itself doesn't speak to my worth as a human being.

Anyways, maybe the lyrics will bring someone else here some relief from negative self talk or any of the other shit we can manufacture in our minds to hurt ourselves:

"You’re not your thoughts, you’re not your brain, you’re just the character you’ve made Up in your head, down in your heart, what seem like separate body parts Come together to believe they’re you, and not just chemistry"