I'm super early transitioning pre hrt and it wasn't easy and something I dreaded. I'm still not out to everyone and I still go out in boy mode often. When I first figured out I was trans a lot of things suddenly made sense and I figured I could just keep doing what I was already doing and just... not be open. And then every once in a while I'd buy makeup or go out in "drag" to drag shows - of course, that was ironically one of the only times I wasn't. I figured that'd be enough. And then one of my profs used my preferred pronouns accidently, I hadnt met him before and my deadname is kinda gender neutral and my heart started to sing when I heard it.
And then after that, it was pretty much... well I want more of that euphoria. I met other trans girls, some of them far in their transition some early on and that helped me go out en femme more and more. I cam out to my family and roommate and just started wearing girl clothes at home all the time. I started to use my name and my pronouns when I introduced myself. I started to dress more and more often.
Every step in between felt so big and so huge and I was always scared to make the next one. Looking back, I kind of laugh at myself for feeling so anxious and scared when I bought tights for the first time. I couldn't just buy them, I had to buy groceries at the same time lol and I still thought everyone could tell. I was lucky and as far as I know all my family and friends were supportive, but it was still that big leap that every time. It took me 3 weeks to work up the courage to come out to my partner who I already 100% knew would be cool about it.
HRT still seems scary to me but I know I want to do it. And actually going 100% social transitioned instead of having the security blanket of being able to go out in boy mode seems scary, but the way everything has been going... I'll probably do it.
I'm super early transitioning pre hrt and it wasn't easy and something I dreaded. I'm still not out to everyone and I still go out in boy mode often. When I first figured out I was trans a lot of things suddenly made sense and I figured I could just keep doing what I was already doing and just... not be open. And then every once in a while I'd buy makeup or go out in "drag" to drag shows - of course, that was ironically one of the only times I wasn't. I figured that'd be enough. And then one of my profs used my preferred pronouns accidently, I hadnt met him before and my deadname is kinda gender neutral and my heart started to sing when I heard it.
And then after that, it was pretty much... well I want more of that euphoria. I met other trans girls, some of them far in their transition some early on and that helped me go out en femme more and more. I cam out to my family and roommate and just started wearing girl clothes at home all the time. I started to use my name and my pronouns when I introduced myself. I started to dress more and more often.
Every step in between felt so big and so huge and I was always scared to make the next one. Looking back, I kind of laugh at myself for feeling so anxious and scared when I bought tights for the first time. I couldn't just buy them, I had to buy groceries at the same time lol and I still thought everyone could tell. I was lucky and as far as I know all my family and friends were supportive, but it was still that big leap that every time. It took me 3 weeks to work up the courage to come out to my partner who I already 100% knew would be cool about it.
HRT still seems scary to me but I know I want to do it. And actually going 100% social transitioned instead of having the security blanket of being able to go out in boy mode seems scary, but the way everything has been going... I'll probably do it.