Obama = Mario: Upright, well mannered, professional, protects the stratus quo, crushes the enemies of the monarchy with a smile on his face
Trump = Wario: Oafish, rude, crass, obscene obsession with tacky displays wealth, does the same shit as Mario but with a low brow showman-like presentation that some people gravitate towards
Biden = Luigi. Lanky sidekick to Mario, foolish, unaware, kind/dopey affect belies a more sinister core
The next president will be a republican, in the same vein as Trump but warped and confounding. The Waluigi of presidents. It is inevitable. You heard it here first. When the Republican primaries come about, look for the most Waluigi-like candidate. They will emerge victorious.
I would forgive America existing as a country if their elections were determined by a real-life game of Mario Party.
Imagine seeing Biden and Trump compete by trying to push each other into boiling lava while balancing on giant beach balls.