All I have to add to this is that while my gut instinct is also to feel sympathy in situations like this, I have a very hard time feeling sympathy for a 30+ year old who thought they were "only" banging an 18 year old. I spent some time hanging out with an 18 year old stranger not long ago and I had fun but they definitely hit my "child" radar and I'm only 24. Would never have considered climbing into bed with them. If a friend around my age told me they recently had sex with an 18 year old my first response would be along the lines of, "yikes, are you sure about that?" If I were ever considering banging someone who could plausibly be a teenager, even if they said they were 20+, I'd be very cautious about it. Like, legitimately no joke show me your fuckin ID sort of territory.
Yeah, while I feel a fair amount of sympathy, it's absolutely the responsibility of the older party in situations where it's even remotely plausible the person is under 18. You should adopt the bottleo rule "If you look under 25 you're getting carded" (Age of drinking is 18 here). Dude fucked up bad and it is his fault. You're an adult, do the adult thing. And the adult thing is to make sure you don't get into shitty situations like this.
Even then, if you're over 25, having a relationship with anyone who hasn't gotten a bachelor's degree (or worked for an equivalent time) is a little sus. I'm not gonna disallow it because there are shitty social consequences from going too far with that, but it is a red flag that needs a whole heap of green flags to overcome.
All I have to add to this is that while my gut instinct is also to feel sympathy in situations like this, I have a very hard time feeling sympathy for a 30+ year old who thought they were "only" banging an 18 year old. I spent some time hanging out with an 18 year old stranger not long ago and I had fun but they definitely hit my "child" radar and I'm only 24. Would never have considered climbing into bed with them. If a friend around my age told me they recently had sex with an 18 year old my first response would be along the lines of, "yikes, are you sure about that?" If I were ever considering banging someone who could plausibly be a teenager, even if they said they were 20+, I'd be very cautious about it. Like, legitimately no joke show me your fuckin ID sort of territory.
Yeah, while I feel a fair amount of sympathy, it's absolutely the responsibility of the older party in situations where it's even remotely plausible the person is under 18. You should adopt the bottleo rule "If you look under 25 you're getting carded" (Age of drinking is 18 here). Dude fucked up bad and it is his fault. You're an adult, do the adult thing. And the adult thing is to make sure you don't get into shitty situations like this.
Even then, if you're over 25, having a relationship with anyone who hasn't gotten a bachelor's degree (or worked for an equivalent time) is a little sus. I'm not gonna disallow it because there are shitty social consequences from going too far with that, but it is a red flag that needs a whole heap of green flags to overcome.