So I think a huge part of the disconnect here is due to the wildly different concepts of love, romance, affection, and companionship - I mentioned in my other comments that I completely lack a framework from which to understand the concept of romance. When other people use the word they’re probably referring to something other than what I’m referring to, and that difference in understanding probably extends far beyond me and into much of the rest of the conversation around aromanticism. I think we, culturally, lack a shared understanding of romanticism (I’m sure there is a wealth of theory available but it has not yet filtered into the common consciousness) and as a result find it more difficult to discuss than gender and sexuality. People tell me I’m very romantic, but I don’t know that I experience romance as an emotion? I definitely experience affection, and that’s separate from sexuality, but it expresses similarly in platonic and sexual relationships (to different levels based on the intimacy of the relationship and if it’s sexual or not - I’ve kissed many of my friends, but not erotically). I experience infatuation, but that’s just sexual to me. I have no drive to give my partner “traditional” romantic gifts like chocolate and roses, but I do want to give them things that will delight them - but I also want to do the same for my friends. I have no interest in marriage, but that’s because it’s an institution rooted in all manner of evil. So what the fuck is romance? Does it exist as a separate thing that I simply don’t experience? Is my understanding or classification incomplete or incorrect? Am I romantically interested in my friends? How could one tell?
That was a long rambling tangent but the conclusion I’m trying to reach is that it’s possible for two things which at first appear mutually exclusive to be true at the same time. TC69 being right doesn’t completely invalidate you. There is going to be a real gulf between your experience and conceptualization and her’s because you’re different people and have internalized different ideas.
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Ah, I follow.
So I think a huge part of the disconnect here is due to the wildly different concepts of love, romance, affection, and companionship - I mentioned in my other comments that I completely lack a framework from which to understand the concept of romance. When other people use the word they’re probably referring to something other than what I’m referring to, and that difference in understanding probably extends far beyond me and into much of the rest of the conversation around aromanticism. I think we, culturally, lack a shared understanding of romanticism (I’m sure there is a wealth of theory available but it has not yet filtered into the common consciousness) and as a result find it more difficult to discuss than gender and sexuality. People tell me I’m very romantic, but I don’t know that I experience romance as an emotion? I definitely experience affection, and that’s separate from sexuality, but it expresses similarly in platonic and sexual relationships (to different levels based on the intimacy of the relationship and if it’s sexual or not - I’ve kissed many of my friends, but not erotically). I experience infatuation, but that’s just sexual to me. I have no drive to give my partner “traditional” romantic gifts like chocolate and roses, but I do want to give them things that will delight them - but I also want to do the same for my friends. I have no interest in marriage, but that’s because it’s an institution rooted in all manner of evil. So what the fuck is romance? Does it exist as a separate thing that I simply don’t experience? Is my understanding or classification incomplete or incorrect? Am I romantically interested in my friends? How could one tell?
That was a long rambling tangent but the conclusion I’m trying to reach is that it’s possible for two things which at first appear mutually exclusive to be true at the same time. TC69 being right doesn’t completely invalidate you. There is going to be a real gulf between your experience and conceptualization and her’s because you’re different people and have internalized different ideas.
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