Imagine if Ben Garrison actually gave a shit. These people used to be genuinely talented at making themselves look stupid.

  • axont [she/her, comrade/them]
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    edit-2
    11 months ago

    I used to work at a grocery store in Nowheresville, The South and got handed at least one chick tract daily. I used to have a huge stack of them. My favorite was always the Dungeons & Dragons one, but I also got a lot of laughs out of the one that explained Islam wrong (saying Muslims worship a moon god and owls or something). Sometimes they were weird conspiracy movies on homemade DVDs or VHS too, usually it was Loose Change (the 9/11 conspiracy documentary). But sometimes they were the most unhinged fundamentalist stuff I've ever seen. My housemates would drop acid and always get a laugh out of them.

    They were wild and very amateur, often filmed in what looked like backyards or church storage rooms. There was one movie a guy gave me where a kid is being yelled at by his mother for wearing an earring. The kid says it's fine, all the other boys do it. Then a slippery slope of events occur where the kid ends up being gay with like five other boys, ends up failing out of school, then he's in Hell with a demon blowing smoke at him. And like I remember the final image is like "This is the fate of all homosexuals." in big scary red text. My queer ass is gonna have a red dude in a paper mache mask blow black smoke at me forever oh no

    There was another where a family was sitting around a table and they don't say grace, saying something like "We don't need to thank God. He gets enough thanks." And a weird demon pops out of the ground and I swear the family starts saying things like, "No! We shouldn't have been liberals! We apologize! Don't take us to hell!" If I ever go back to my parent's place for some reason I'll check around if those movies are still in a bin somewhere and upload them for y'all, but I have no idea. This stuff was from like 2005.