I don’t know what I’m looking at. My vision focused on my wall, my mind focused on my thoughts.

A crack appears and I slip through falling deeper underground where only I exist

I made myself believe this is what I wanted. I made myself believe this is what I deserved . I manifested my journey into the depths and it became reality.

No one can hear my voice, not that I use it. As I drift deeper into the earth, I feel myself stretching out as I flow further down into more nothingness.

The descent doesn’t seem to end, I haven’t found a way up I haven’t found anything. A part of me expects to find a conclusion or an explanation to any of it.

My thoughts become scattered amongst the particles that surround me, each thought taking different directions taking different paths finding alternatives trying to find a way out.

I want to get out now, but I can’t.

I feel fear, I feel trapped, I feel pain, I feel terror, I feel the place that I built for myself and now that I recognize what it is I don’t feel like this is where I wanted to be.

I now fall deeper acknowledging this newfound pain, holding it closer because it’s all i have. This fragment of humanity that makes me yearn for something other than this.

The emotion grows stronger the deeper down I go. Reflections of the past absorb my mind if only for brief seconds, the pain acts as a magnet carrying more weight dragging me further down going faster and faster.

I try to absolve myself from the misery I created for myself, but its no use. I accept defeat.

As I come to from the episode of another space out, I blink at the crack in the wall.

It needs fixing.