Came to the realization today that I’m probably not going to have much in the way of a social life or romance ever again, and I need to work on accepting my solitude. Anyone else live pretty isolated lives? Have any tips?
It's good to know how to survive and enjoy being alone, but also know that nothing is set in stone, and one day you might be pleasantly surprised by someone you never knew you needed.
Anyone else live pretty isolated lives?
Yes
Have any tips?
I guess the first and most important thing is learning to enjoy your own company.
It's hard to be a hermit if you spend all day criticizing and judging yourself, life just turns into wallowing in self-pity or self-loathing. It sounds hokey, but you really do have to learn to love yourself in some capacity.
Additionally, living an isolated/insular life does not mean no human contact. It's still very important to have real human interactions, even if it's an online conversation once a month. You need to get outside of your head every once in a while or you will become disconnected from the real; and I'm not talking about posting here, an actual conversation. Without it you are gonna be prone to delusions, since you aren't able to contrast your perceived reality from the collective's.
Do you have any communities where you can chat with people over hobbies or interests aside from hexbear? Do you do any sort of IRL political organizing? Or am I horribly misinterpreting your question for protips on how to cope while lonely?
Do you have any communities where you can chat with people over hobbies or interests aside from hexbear? Do you do any sort of IRL political organizing?
No sadly
Anything specific about your personal circumstances blocking you from participating, or is just general anxiety?
I live in a somewhat isolated area, and am kind of picky when it when it comes to people. Every time I’ve gone to events looking to make new friends I’ve always found I just don’t jive with most of them. The small handful of people I did get along with back in the day all live too far away now or are just too busy to maintain a friendship with me.
Some of the lessons I've learned from therapy and self reflection:
Be careful about "pickiness" when it comes to making friends. When we are feeling alone , depressed, etc. it can be easy to fall into black and white thinking as a defense mechanism. In my case, quickly thinking of people as "potential friend" or "not worth my time" allowed me to protect myself from the rejection of someone not wanting to be my friend, or the more painful rejection of slowly drifting apart from someone you cared about.
Not every person that you include in your life has to be your best friend. When I was at my lowest I managed to start playing pick-up volleyball at the local rec center. Seeing the same people every week really helped me start to feel less isolated. Just having a familiar face to nod to at a gym, library, coffee shop, dog park, or whatever can really help.
Humans are social creatures. If you convince yourself that being alone suits you (another defense mechanism) it can be really difficult to recognize your innate need for human contact. Being comfortable when you're alone is good; becoming comfortable with loneliness is bad (if not impossible), so don't try to force it.
Came to the realization today that I’m probably not going to have much in the way of a social life or romance ever again
why not?
Yes I live a sad pathetic life.
No not really. Working a 50-60 hour a week job doesn't help either. Finding comfort in food has made me a fat lazy piece of shit. I don't really have the capacity or time to enjoy anything else.
