I've been feeling like I fucking brainwashed my self and honest to god sometimes I feel like I'm just a red version of Nazi. Before you hit me I don't think we're as bad as Nazis but like.....I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if we're wrong and we actually are just like jealous of the wealthy and the world is indeed a fair, equitable place where you can become prosperous if you work hard enough.

I think I struggle with these doubts a lot because I went from being sucked into the whole 4chan reactionary thing just from a "contact high" from when I still used that shitty website but it never felt right to me and when I read Estranged Labor I'm like "wait this dude spittin straight facts, more than (((da jooz))) nonsense" and pretty much instantly abandoned my old worldview and felt really lost until I discovered all these fucked up websites and well...now I got a bunch of communist songs in my likes. Sometimes I just feel like I went in the opposite direction, and have to wonder if it's even possible to arrive at an objective "truth" or model of the world, and if a lot of the reasons why Marxism seems intuitively correct to me are largely born out of my own particular experiences, which always feel to me like they can't be all that common. It all just seems so obvious now but I still think: "what if I'm we stretch the truth and make shit up in the same way reactionaries do?"

I don't know. I sometimes feel like I'm not right in the head when I think shit like "damn landlords should be thrown into a pit" or "billionaires aren't human" or "dead cops, dead cops, army of the rich, we'll piss on your grave, won't be your slave!" because of how extreme it is.

I mean I can't really function at work anymore, I just think all this shit is absurd. It always feels like, "are people just dumb or blind? Do they not get it? I got it even before I read theory!" and then I just feel like I'm off in my own unreality where billionaire pedophiles blast off into space during a pandemic and everything really sucks.

I think I'm just going to pick up reefer.

  • carbohydra [des/pair]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Sometimes I wonder if we’re wrong and we actually are just like jealous of the wealthy and the world is indeed a fair, equitable place where you can become prosperous if you work hard enough.

    There are scientific ways to measure "social mobility" and it always leads to the finding that the world is emphatically not that type of place.

    if a lot of the reasons why Marxism seems intuitively correct to me are largely born out of my own particular experiences

    If you are a prole, it's not at all strange for your experiences to resonate with communism.

    I sometimes feel like I’m not right in the head when I think shit like “damn landlords should be thrown into a pit”

    It's good to do a double take on stuff like this. We don't want violence towards humans, we simply see it as necessary with some egregious ones to overcome the daily background violence of capitalism. The capitalist states and mercenaries do much worse to us every day. When this becomes all you think about, it's that mythical police in our heads screaming to "stop resisting!" Remember what Pinochet did to Allende's peaceful bourgeois parliamentary democratic nice attempt at reform.

    Remember that landlords are slowly killing people by holding shelter hostage. Their mercenaries are the cops that evict people and endlessly harass homeless camps, when there are empty houses all over town. This violence is out of view for most people and less obvious, so we need to remind ourselves. Leaving someone to the elements is way more brutal than the quick death of a firing squad.