I've been feeling like I fucking brainwashed my self and honest to god sometimes I feel like I'm just a red version of Nazi. Before you hit me I don't think we're as bad as Nazis but like.....I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if we're wrong and we actually are just like jealous of the wealthy and the world is indeed a fair, equitable place where you can become prosperous if you work hard enough.
I think I struggle with these doubts a lot because I went from being sucked into the whole 4chan reactionary thing just from a "contact high" from when I still used that shitty website but it never felt right to me and when I read Estranged Labor I'm like "wait this dude spittin straight facts, more than (((da jooz))) nonsense" and pretty much instantly abandoned my old worldview and felt really lost until I discovered all these fucked up websites and well...now I got a bunch of communist songs in my likes. Sometimes I just feel like I went in the opposite direction, and have to wonder if it's even possible to arrive at an objective "truth" or model of the world, and if a lot of the reasons why Marxism seems intuitively correct to me are largely born out of my own particular experiences, which always feel to me like they can't be all that common. It all just seems so obvious now but I still think: "what if I'm we stretch the truth and make shit up in the same way reactionaries do?"
I don't know. I sometimes feel like I'm not right in the head when I think shit like "damn landlords should be thrown into a pit" or "billionaires aren't human" or "dead cops, dead cops, army of the rich, we'll piss on your grave, won't be your slave!" because of how extreme it is.
I mean I can't really function at work anymore, I just think all this shit is absurd. It always feels like, "are people just dumb or blind? Do they not get it? I got it even before I read theory!" and then I just feel like I'm off in my own unreality where billionaire pedophiles blast off into space during a pandemic and everything really sucks.
I think I'm just going to pick up reefer.
it's mostly because(in my opinion), liberals, here referring to the average Joe democrat and not people running the party, are only evil when you think about the implications, but chuds are directly and vocally evil, or at least have such a different definition of good it falls outside what the general populace believes in. Liberals approved of the occupation of Afghanistan because they thought that human rights would be protected that way. It unravels into racism as you ask why Muslims are apparently incapable of doing that themselves to the liberal, and once you realise the main reason is to get opium and coltan. Chuds just want more territory for white countries and to kill some brown people. So, once you realise how racist liberalism is, it's not the hardest mental trick to transition to a less racist system, as one example. Going from pathological desire to kill non-european races to wanting to build solidarity with them is a whole lot harder, so you might just become dogmatic as you try to retrain yourself.