Always worry constantly about the littlest things and sometimes even send myself into panic attacks. It's so depressing, scary and exhausting. I hope you guya are doing so much better than i am, i never want anyone else to suffer like this.
Dont even want to ask my psychiatrist about benzodiazpines, im sure they think im a dirty junkie just looking for drugs or something, even though i know theyd help and i really so need them
I know exactly what you mean. I go through periods where I struggle every day, just fighting back this looming dread that I'm going to be trapped in another attack. It is horrible and it is untenable, something has to be done to interrupt the cycle. Drugs are one option, and the quickest. I use them too. But I'm sure you know this, they are a double edged sword. It is extremely easy to fall into a trap where you make the anxiety even worse and more powerful. If you use benzos, I would very much encourage you to be careful to only use them when absolutely necessary. Do not make a daily habit of them. Don't use them every other day. Use them when it's at crisis levels.
That said, it sounds like you know that in a situation like yours, any remotely understanding psychiatrist should be willing to prescribe them. If not, though most are unaware of this, there are legal benzodiazepines that do not require a doctor to sign off or prescription.