I was watching a video on the recent achievements in the Tetris community, and my mom came up and watched over my shoulder for a bit. There was a moment in the video where the narrator was talking about the moment Blue Scuti reached the game's killscreen for the first time. Years of effort, countless hours of practice, chasing something that people thought was literally impossible for decades, and then he fucking does it. This is a seriously cool and inspiring story, right?
"Does he get paid for that? You can't spend that much time on something if you're not getting paid."
Are you telling me you literally can't imagine wanting to do something just to do it? That you can only imagine spending effort if it's to chase a cash prize or a wage? That you can't imagine the desire to just... be the best at something, or achieve something before anyone else? I love that woman but a lifetime of being in the system has burned out a critical part of her brain - she can't imagine having a job and not spending all of your free time sucking up to management for a promotion, she is exactly the person all of the "hustle grindset" bullshit influencers and motivational speakers try to turn you into, and i swear to god if she hadn't worked for the government her whole life she would have gotten in on the ground floor of an MLM and made a shitzillion dollars.
It's so fucking depressing.
Unfortunately this is me and I hate it. I grew up learning this until it became second nature to think this way and midway through anything I inevitably start thinking this. I hate it; it makes me feel like doing it (writing, learning to program, etc.) is pointless because I probably won't turn it into a decent amount of cash, so why bother? I try to do my best to talk people out of being like this.
The more I think on it the more this becomes the most depressing part about it. When we're kids basically everything we do is on a whim because we think it will be cool, and then that gets beaten out of you when you're a teenager.