For context, I've posted here before talking about my traumatic brain injury. That kind of injury can change your personality in a lot of ways, so maybe my feelings about this are very non-universal. With that disclaimer:

I chose to stay on my own for Christmas this year. My family has done a lot to try and guilt me into not staying alone but I just can't do it. I'm so tired and I feel like I need to understand myself better. That can't be done while being smothered, in my opinion.

I feel really guilty about this though. I know it hurts those close to me to see that I'm hurting. It's kind of a paradox though - I can't get better while trying to prioritize their feelings. But this whole thing makes me feel like a real grinch. There's a lot of cultural guilt for not being in the spirit. For not being sufficiently appreciative. Does anyone else understand these feelings? In my mind, the greatest relief in the world would be taking an extended holiday, including from formal holidays. Maybe I'm just tired.