iminsomuchpain [he/him]

Goodness this game is so great :lt-dbyf-dubois: :lt-kitsuragi:

So if the Chinese are pretty much set on being capitalist in the near term, why are socialists supportive of them? I can understand the importance of a meaningful challenge to American hegemony but is that the only reason? Sorry for my ignorance, not really sure what reading to do to fill in these gaps in my understanding.

For someone completely ignorant of Dengist thought, can you give a sense of how this works? Is this somehow a trap...? Could use an admiral ackbar emoji right about now

Yes, of course - we all know they're not loyal in any sense. I guess I just have a hang-up on this subject because I want to believe that China can eventually pose a threat to capitalism, but it's hard to reconcile that with the idea that they're the best stewards of it in the near term.

Doesn't this imply that international bourgeoisie sees China as a better steward of capitalism than the US? Indeed, my understanding of the CIPS system is that it is decentralized in some sense (I have no idea how this actually works), which I take to mean that international bourgeoisie would be insulated from the whims of the operator of CIPS (i.e., China).

While I don't want to live in a world where the US can rugpull people's assets for no reason, isn't it also concerning that this new "improved" system could completely insulate the international bourgeoisie from regulation/consequences? Or do I not understand the system?

It really is crazy isn't it? I lived in northern California for a few years and there were huge stretches of time in which the sky had absolutely zero clouds. It took moving to a new area and readjusting to realize just how bizarre that is.

:lt-kitsuragi: :lt-dbyf-dubois:

I can't relate to your inexperience insofar as what you're describing is centered on your sexuality, but what you are describing sounds in some ways similar to what I have experienced due to significant physical trauma. The loss of your ability to experience meaningful pleasure ("anhedonia") and the high level of self-consciousness your describing (which is a kind of alienation from your own self) are hallmarks of depression and trauma.

I encourage you to seek out therapy, and to be patient with yourself. Don't try to masturbate your way out of this, because if that fails you're digging a deeper hole for yourself. You already know this - you try something, it fails, you panic, the psychological pain is worsened, you sit around waiting to feel good enough to try something else, repeat.

I'm not a doctor, but through my therapy, I've been learning that the first step towards moving forward comes from better understanding yourself. In what ways are you alienated from yourself? You're experiencing a psychological event, and that changes your behavior - can you think of habits or hobbies that you used to have that you're no longer participating in? Could resuming some of those activities make you feel more like yourself, help you understand what you're feeling?

My understanding of your situation is obviously limited, but I hope I'm communicating at least something about what I have learned through my own recovery and that it is useful to you. Be well :meow-hug:

So in this scenario, what should you do if you manage to dodge the first peak of infections in a wave? If everyone else is protected by their immunity, does that also offer some protection to those who weren't infected just because viral spread is suppressed?

I'm absolutely howling god damn

We need an emote for Sherman

Heathen kids got me :michael-laugh:

I figure "the thing" would mean tankie. The countdown continues

I've been keeping myself on point with things like puzzles, reading, etc., but this is great advice and I appreciate it. I'm the sort of person who's very interested in psychedelics, but also (at least I think) too psychologically vulnerable to mess with something that could reset my understanding of myself. I don't think ego death would be a short-mid term positive experience for me right now, if that makes sense, although I'm open to discussions about this if my picture is wrong (very drug inexperienced).

And I am grieving for myself. I know self pity is kind of embarrassing on some level, but I feel like I have to cry for myself because nobody else will. It makes you feel crazy when your internal world has come crashing down around you and most other people have no idea that anything has happened at all. The thought that I could be something new has brought me to tears many, many times since reading this, so thanks for your nice comment. Other people have talked to me a lot about "hope" but this is maybe the only thing that has made me feel like I have any. Thanks a lot.

Thanks for your suggestion. You're right to say I don't fully comprehend it; or rather, I think I can see it coherently but I don't see how to manage it, particularly in close relationships. It's one thing to understand what you're dealing with, and another to have the capacity to see a step ahead and plan accordingly. For me, this is a crisis that I have let go to waste, so to speak - ideally I would have understood what I know now sooner, and used that to change the terms of my relationships to get through this. But as it is, everyone has become locked in to our new lives.

I've got a therapist, finally, but we'll see where that goes. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment.

Not really "the vibe" (sorry, not sure how else to say this). I know it helps some people but writing is much harder for me than speaking. I prefer to talk things out, but maybe if I practiced it would be easier to maintain a journal.

Thanks for the kind comment, this was nice to read.