If you are interested in a person you assume to be cis, and they have had bottom surgery so the only real way to tell if they are trans is if they tell you, and finding that out makes you decide against having sex with them, you're a transphobe.

If you are interested in a person who is trans but has not had bottom surgery, and that makes you not want to have sex with them because you are not attracted to penises/vaginas/etc., you are not a transphobic

  • ShitPosterior [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    What about if you're hellbent on having kids? I've had women stop dating me for having a vasectomy/not wanting to make kids. I don't feel ill will towards them, different life paths.

    Does the same pass apply to cis's that are adamant on procreation?

    Like some people are bonkers & relationships are literally about passing on their genes and raising little hellspawn

        • silent_water [she/her]
          ·
          2 years ago

          not really. "mate" and "raise offspring" are basic drives but they're just rough heuristics that approximate "pass on your genes". animals raise young that aren't their own, even of different species, all the time. different human societies have had vastly varying concepts of who raises which kids - many would raise kids communally, without regard for who the parents were. taking our societal notions about "passing down your genes" and making evopsych arguments for why they represent "human nature" is just laundering the present into the past and pretending that this is the way things have always been.

      • ShitPosterior [none/use name]
        ·
        2 years ago

        There’s cis het couples who can’t have children despite wanting them and I think ending an otherwise good relationship because you can’t have biological children is weird and problematic in general.>

        Ye, can't imagine leaving someone I love for not being able to have kids.

        Personally I'd think being upfront with one's motives would be enough - like if I were in the position of hooking up with a trans cutie & actually cared about having kids (I don't) I'd probably suggest something along the lines of: "hey its really important to me to have kids some day with my own genes because [why?] - so if you're into it I'm down to hook up, just don't want to get into a longterm commitment."

        Not sure if that's a good way to go about it or not but that would be my instinct