you're not gonna die alone mate, but it does sound like you gotta change up your strategy. like, give up on apps probably. the dating scene's totally fucked but that's the water from the bottom of the garbage can there.
Pretty much. I saw my parents fight so much as a kid (memorable moment: my mom called the cops on my dad after a "fight" and got him thrown in jail on domestic charges despite him not having done anything) and I was like "wow that looks like bullshit" and I think I've kind of been super withdrawn as a result of that. I'm honestly kind of terrified of women, like, not in the standard social anxiety way but I automatically assume basically everyone, especially women, is completely unhinged behind closed doors. My mom used to punch my dad's arm until it was black, and would threaten him with the police almost nonstop for the most minor transgressions.
I went to school in a bad area too and got shitted on predictably as a extremely skinny, short guy with long hair and whose mom would (intentionally?) send me to school with like pink shirts and shit and got beat up and made fun of all the time and combine this with the lack of a safe environment at home pretty much my entire life and a feeling of deep rejection as a kid (in the form of beatings lmao) I come to realize I am very closed off to others, and it's almost impossible for me to see things in a light that isn't negative. I have far too much evidence to the contrary and I generally tend to believe in truth (despite my ideals) that human nature leans towards cruelty more than it does kindness.
I distinctly remember in the first/second grade thinking that I was never going to have a girlfriend (people were already talking in those terms with each other lmao and I was becoming/already extremely shy) so I genuinely never ever bothered to talk to women. I have tangentially had a handful of female acquaintances by sheer chance and luck which is probably why I'm not an unironic "incel" (and a common theme with incels is dysfunctional families and instead of being beat up by guys being beat up by girls - I actually fucking hated other men and still kind of do lmao) but I just have never made an effort to talk to women. Even one of my coworkers who was being kind of a dick managed to find out I have never been in relationship was like "why don't you just approach people?" but my social reality is just so fucked I can't even really think of doing that. I don't even know what to say and I've come to realize I probably have PTSD and any relationship I would be in would be beyond disastrous because I need a LOOOOOOOT of help, more than this society can probably give. I don't even think I had a particular "bad" childhood, but I think there was such a consistent amount of emotional neglect and denial that my brain straight up doesn't work right. Like I can't even make friends, I don't have a "strategy" for women because that shit to me is like walking into like, Multivariate Calculus after having passed Basic Arithmetic with a C. I'm getting closer to 30 and realistically it's far too late to figure out how to do stuff people learned to do when they were in the awkward middle school phase of nascent sexuality and romance and then later refined in highschool and college.
This shit is difficult for normal ass people, being some internet brained communist with severe mental health issues and niche personality quirks and interests from having spent all your time (and I mean almost ALL of it - my entire late teens to early 20's I literally talked to almost nobody beyond a few coworkers) is like impossible mode
If this is too :doomjak: mods can delete but you know it is HARD for some people out there
edit: I'm also not white :agony-soviet: People say this is not an issue, but it is. My first language technically isn't even English, and I have a different cultural background and general expectations as compared to many of the people who have gentrified my area
yeah i don't mean at all to imply that one "just" has to execute such-and-such steps and you'll find love. i know it's not easy under the best circumstances. what i meant to convey was, don't give up, humans aren't meant to live in solitude, love is out there, idk. i still think unless you're looking for something very particular, the apps are imposing death on oneself.
you're not gonna die alone mate, but it does sound like you gotta change up your strategy. like, give up on apps probably. the dating scene's totally fucked but that's the water from the bottom of the garbage can there.
deleted by creator
Pretty much. I saw my parents fight so much as a kid (memorable moment: my mom called the cops on my dad after a "fight" and got him thrown in jail on domestic charges despite him not having done anything) and I was like "wow that looks like bullshit" and I think I've kind of been super withdrawn as a result of that. I'm honestly kind of terrified of women, like, not in the standard social anxiety way but I automatically assume basically everyone, especially women, is completely unhinged behind closed doors. My mom used to punch my dad's arm until it was black, and would threaten him with the police almost nonstop for the most minor transgressions.
I went to school in a bad area too and got shitted on predictably as a extremely skinny, short guy with long hair and whose mom would (intentionally?) send me to school with like pink shirts and shit and got beat up and made fun of all the time and combine this with the lack of a safe environment at home pretty much my entire life and a feeling of deep rejection as a kid (in the form of beatings lmao) I come to realize I am very closed off to others, and it's almost impossible for me to see things in a light that isn't negative. I have far too much evidence to the contrary and I generally tend to believe in truth (despite my ideals) that human nature leans towards cruelty more than it does kindness.
I distinctly remember in the first/second grade thinking that I was never going to have a girlfriend (people were already talking in those terms with each other lmao and I was becoming/already extremely shy) so I genuinely never ever bothered to talk to women. I have tangentially had a handful of female acquaintances by sheer chance and luck which is probably why I'm not an unironic "incel" (and a common theme with incels is dysfunctional families and instead of being beat up by guys being beat up by girls - I actually fucking hated other men and still kind of do lmao) but I just have never made an effort to talk to women. Even one of my coworkers who was being kind of a dick managed to find out I have never been in relationship was like "why don't you just approach people?" but my social reality is just so fucked I can't even really think of doing that. I don't even know what to say and I've come to realize I probably have PTSD and any relationship I would be in would be beyond disastrous because I need a LOOOOOOOT of help, more than this society can probably give. I don't even think I had a particular "bad" childhood, but I think there was such a consistent amount of emotional neglect and denial that my brain straight up doesn't work right. Like I can't even make friends, I don't have a "strategy" for women because that shit to me is like walking into like, Multivariate Calculus after having passed Basic Arithmetic with a C. I'm getting closer to 30 and realistically it's far too late to figure out how to do stuff people learned to do when they were in the awkward middle school phase of nascent sexuality and romance and then later refined in highschool and college.
This shit is difficult for normal ass people, being some internet brained communist with severe mental health issues and niche personality quirks and interests from having spent all your time (and I mean almost ALL of it - my entire late teens to early 20's I literally talked to almost nobody beyond a few coworkers) is like impossible mode
If this is too :doomjak: mods can delete but you know it is HARD for some people out there
edit: I'm also not white :agony-soviet: People say this is not an issue, but it is. My first language technically isn't even English, and I have a different cultural background and general expectations as compared to many of the people who have gentrified my area
yeah i don't mean at all to imply that one "just" has to execute such-and-such steps and you'll find love. i know it's not easy under the best circumstances. what i meant to convey was, don't give up, humans aren't meant to live in solitude, love is out there, idk. i still think unless you're looking for something very particular, the apps are imposing death on oneself.
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator