does anyone else have difficulty "enjoying" drawing? as in, enjoying the process? like, i do sometimes, but most of the time i mostly just draw for the feeling of accomplishment at the end (whether or not it's a "good" or "bad" drawing).

i've been doing this "drawabox" online course thing and an important part of it is doing 50% "play". this would be fine if i was just drawing random shit and not caring how it turns out but specifically they want me to not care about the result at all, like tear it up and throw it away kind of not caring. i don't know if my brain even works this way, because when i hyperfocus on things i don't really get enjoyment from other things no matter what except regular dopamine hits so that feeling of "accomplishment" is the only thing i get from my sketches when i'm not hyperfocusing and trying to do it without caring at all feels like i'm starving my brain of dopamine and legitimately hurts

until this point i was trying to resolve it by doing tiny silly drawings that look silly and trying to sort of just embrace the absurd nature of it and trying to explicitly NOT think of my inexperienced drawings as "bad". But now this course is telling me to not care about my drawings at all? i've been considering dropping art altogether because of this