I was dunking on a recruiter from a PMC earlier, he shared a promo for a ghoul activity and I posted an article about the Israeli strike on a Doctors Without Borders hospital today in response. It's in a big group chat with some people I know but mostly strangers. A guy I know (who is otherwise cool and has good politics) made a pretty tasteless joke, and another dude who I don't know told him 'kys.' Now, this stranger is someone who has the right intentions and he'd previously commented in support of Palestine and whatnot, so I'm honestly more on his side than my own friend's. However, I really wanted to stop a friendly fire struggle session from starting because I think it's most important to call out the actual ghouls, not leftists who make bad jokes or use off color humor.
I stepped in and said I agreed that it was definitely not the right time and we have no right, as privileged westerners, to make jokes about genocide as if it's "gallows humor" when we aren't even the ones on the gallows. But I still called the stranger out on going on the offensive on the wrong person. It kinda just aggravated the dude further and it feels like I did something really counterproductive. On the other hand, I did feel frustrated when this dude could easily have jumped on the recruiter guy with that energy instead of an irrelevant bystander. Doesn't help that it attracted attention from some redditoids who started taunting the guy and getting more reactions out of him.
Feel like maybe I was biased and shouldn't have defended my friend when his joke made light of an active genocide and made someone uncomfortable. For the record, he just made a bad pun about Doctors without Borders, he didn't say anything reactionary. Still wildly uncalled for.
Maybe I'm overthinking.
I find in online spaces with strangers, ignoring negative behavior can be a highly effective method of dissuading further offenses. Obviously, if you're moderating a space, the decision matrix changes (if you trust your mod team, the report button is a nice option). But if you're just a lowly user, replying often just puts a spotlight on the bad behavior -- which draws more attention to it and usually makes the author feel like they've been backed into a corner, that the only move is defense. (It's not the only move of course; the author can usually just ignore the whole thing or, if they are really out of options, do some public self-crit). When it is someone you know, a private message in a friendly tone can go a long way. Who knows, maybe they end up removing the offending post themselves. You find out by talking.
If it helps, I'm sure people paying attention noticed that you were trying to mediate for the better. Most users don't comment (lurking is underrated, posting is overrated).
Thanks for the insight. I felt a little impetus to intervene because they did tell my friend to kill himself which was a step over the line for me. Maybe I would've done better to let them sort it out and not take sides.
Ultimately, you know the situation better than I do. Standing up for your friend is nothing to be worried about.