I have never understood this joke. Growing up I never heard my Pops say anything like that even jokingly (though he would often say she wouldn't let him buy dumb stuff but that was the extent of it). However it's super common in older media and culture and is still notice able in contemporary times. I even hear from guys around my age who in their late 20s to mid 30s in break room chats. I haven't noticed a national or race trend either, it seems to be from dudes of every background.

Is marriage that soul crushing that you resent your partner?

Is it a "pressure release valve" sorta thing about monogamy? Is it actually something people feel? Do guys feel trapped somehow or are just realizing they live unfulfilling lives and project that on to their partners? If that's the case it's kinda weird, like your wife is supposedly the love your life and I would assume you'd really like them.

I remember hearing at lot at my Men's group at my church when I was an early teen. "Upstanding, moral, virtuous Christian men™️©️®️" just kinda openly saying stuff like and pretty much everyone saying "lmao same" (or the time appropriate equivalent).

I see it a lot in movies too. Tons of films are about guys secretly pining for someone else or just resolved to live their lot with some they feel hinders them.

I remember reading the book " Bowling Alone " which lacked any real material analysis of social conditions but it mentioned that men's groups were guys would go to escape their marriage for a bit. While I understand it's important to have your own friends and social groups, the idea it's describe "escape" seems like it's an unpleasant space to be in. Has patriarchy created marriage into prison were men are both the jailed and jailor like it has for many other things in men's lives?

Do dudes really loathe their partners this much?

    • LGOrcStreetSamurai [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      I get that for sure, but it seems so unqiuely one-sided. Dudes complain about their wives and in-general men tend to have more if not most control of if they get married or not. It seems so strange to me that men (particuarly younger guys) seem to resent the partners of their own choosing. It seems so salty to pick someone and be the one who passively hates their partner. It just seems so odd. On a serious note, it seems to me that they project the guilt and unhappiness of their marriage on to the other person and take a passive role in your own active choices.

      I know realtionships are nuanced and complex but i have always found this troupe so odd as it flips the power dynamic while still maintianing it. It's doublely bad when traditional types do this, as I would assume this path of their choosing. This is what being "trad" is supposed to be right? Like the trad dude is getting what he supposedly wants right? If he doesn't want it why not just leave rather than blaming the partner?

      To make a bad meme reference "My brother in christ, you picked your wife."

      • AcidSmiley [she/her]
        ·
        2 years ago

        This is what being “trad” is supposed to be right? Like the trad dude is getting what he supposedly wants right?

        He can never get what he wants because his wants are always at odds with each other. this is irreconcilable: firstly, the trad dude is obliged to hate femininity. he has to disavow all things girly to maintain manhood. but secondly, the trad dude is also obliged to be performatively heterosexual. so he has to hate girls with utmost conviction, but also desire them more than anything else. fulfilling his sexual obligation to society means he has to expose himself to manhood-threatening levels of femininity. he is forced to sleep with the enemy, and to make matters worse this gives the woman power over him. this automatically leads to frustration, an inability to connect with his wife and a constant need to vent about this.

        straight dudes who do not suffer from toxic masculinity much do not experience this. they can fully love their wifes and be happy with them, and they do not need to constantly disparage their partner in public. if they complain, there's a reason for that and it isn't a constant thing, because then they'd work on that problem with their partner or just get out of that relationship if that isn't possible. reactionaries ofc need to deny that other men have found a healthier and more fulfilling way to perform masculinity, so they will often try to police other men's relationships as well by insisting that less toxic dudes are weak and being controlled by their wives.

        • UlyssesT [he/him]
          ·
          2 years ago

          He can never get what he wants because his wants are always at odds with each other. this is irreconcilable: firstly, the trad dude is obliged to hate femininity. he has to disavow all things girly to maintain manhood. but secondly, the trad dude is also obliged to be performatively heterosexual. so he has to hate girls with utmost conviction, but also desire them more than anything else. fulfilling his sexual obligation to society means he has to expose himself to manhood-threatening levels of femininity. he is forced to sleep with the enemy, and to make matters worse this gives the woman power over him. this automatically leads to frustration, an inability to connect with his wife and a constant need to vent about this.

          This is a heroic struggle that every man should go through, bucko. :jordan-eboy-peterson:

      • SacredExcrement [any, comrade/them]
        ·
        2 years ago

        the trad dude is getting what he supposedly wants right? If he doesn’t want it why not just leave rather than blaming the partner

        Doublethink, for want of a better term, is not an obstacle for this type of individual. Most of them tend to be conservative, so they're very familiar with complaining about any perceived slight while being in complete control.