> be me, Abimael Guzmán
> be philosophy prof in dead-end uni job
> long to wield power
> have god complex and horny for ladies
> local orgs keep throwing me out for being a sexpest and a spiteful asshole
> local leftoids dont see my brilliance
> don’t care, am god, am chairman gonzalo
> have cia contacts through uni
> fuck it why not
> get money from cia to start my cult / party
> start my own party cult with blackjack and hookers
> cia promises i can be dictator
> get guns
> get coke
> get sex cult
> write cocaine manifestos about how everyone is fake except me
> tell followers way to get proles is to massacre them into class consciousness
> murder over 24,000 ppl, including bebes
> still no mass line, probably just need to kill more
> cia tells me 2 chill
> ignore cia, slaughter more bebes (boiling hot water 🥵)
> everyone in peru hates me now
> don’t care, am god, am chairman gonzalo
> mfw cia turns on me and puts less batshit fash dude in power
> new fash dude named after apples or some shit
> mfw new fash gives all the peruvians shit tons of shotguns instead of apples
> wtf all my cultists are getting blown apart with shotguns
> mfw my adventurism turned peasants from lumpen to reactionary fash
> mfw i get locked up for war crimes by the fash gov I helped create
> am in jail
> no guns
> no coke
> no sex cult
> don’t care, am god, am chairman gonzalo
> cia says “dont worry fam, we’ll make you popular in usa”
> start building my party cult again from jail
> crackers love me
> already lost so perfect martyr
> chauvinist crackers keep sending me money
> hell yeah still got it

:big-cool:

  • Gonzalo [they/them]
    hexagon
    ·
    2 years ago

    Thank you. I am not the worst figure in leftist discourse, but I am one of the most annoying and I worked hard to earn that distinction

    • President_Obama [they/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      not the worst

      Unless you're counting Pol Pot... In which case we can have an annoying discussion on whether or not the Khmer Rouge was communist. So either still annoying, or the worst.