I have been exhausted this whole fucking time. As you all know, I've been looking for ways to get income. I have applied for jobs relentlessly, and I have been going to interviews constantly, and I have absolutely no fucking way of getting any of this shit under control.

There is no fucking hope because, last month, I was able to pull through getting my rent covered for this month of March. Well, it's getting closer and closer for me to pay rent for the month of April, and I still have nothing. I have no job, I have no income, and I've been trying to do absolutely everything.

I had to call an emergency insurance plan that would allow me to get covered in the case of losing my job insurance, and they are able to at a monthly cost of 40 something, but I hardly care. I have so much anxiety over the mere fact that I can't afford anything because I can't make any money.

I may want to fucking kill myself, but it's not like I can afford to get to a position where I can get help for that. I no longer wish to regularly see my therapist or receive any psychiatric medication because I cannot FUCKING PAY FOR ANY OF THAT SHIT.

And a way to pay for it? I won't be able to ever get it. I've been trying to get very fucking simple jobs. Food service, cafe, retail, warehouse, and store shit is apparently all too good for me. I mean, maybe the whole fact that is the image my parents cast upon me is making more sense.

If I can apply for so many of these fucking jobs and have a hard time getting basic positions, then maybe it says a lot more about me than it says about the employers.

On top of that, trying to get this fucking insurance coverage has been abhorrent due to spam calls. I signed up for one fucking insurance plan online, was able to get through a legitimate agent, but after that, I'm getting flooded with a bunch of other fucking losers asking me about even more expensive health coverage plans.

This is my fate. Right-wing ideology literally ruined my life. Most people in these circumstances would have someone to turn to, maybe a family member, a friend, or whatever. I don't. I live in Florida, my family disowned me because I'm trans, and I've been harassed by most people who could have ever seen remotely in the realm of being a "friend".

It being March 18 and me having a rent due on April 1 only tells me that I'm still going through a distressing hell that I've been trying to alleviate since February 10, and I have gotten absolutely fucking nowhere despite all my efforts.

I won't be able to pay that shit, and I'm definitely gonna be homeless. Because employers are picky, greedy, and inconsiderate fucks who will turn down labor they simultaneously are desperate for but also excruciatingly picky about. Because landlords are fucking trash. And because my family put their own fucking dogmatic and deranged Catholic ideology over any sense of love, respect, and consideration for a transgender person with the same DNA.

Hope = zero, and you're gonna have a real fucking hard time convincing me otherwise.