my sickly, frail, senile old 17 year old dog just died. not in the catastrophic way i was dreading, but so silently that i didnt notice while sitting about 10ft away from her. she had been free of any bouts of illness for a while, energetic and all. and she went to sleep, and just didnt wake up again. about 5 hours ago or so i stopped by where she was sleeping on my way to get some water and watched her for a while, going "is she alright?" and i thought she was breathing, which is something ive been making sure of while she sleeps for months. so i left her alone, you know, old dog needs her rest.

about an hour ago i checked back on her and realized she hadnt moved at all, so i crouched down to pet her, no reaction. even still i thought she was ok, she's been more difficult to wake up for about a year. so i kept petting her for around 10 seconds, which i thought was unusual. i went to lift her head and realized she was just 100% stiff as wood. she'd probably been dead for a good while.

my feelings about it are confusing. i knew it was coming, of course, and death comes for us all. im even a little relieved that she didn't make it to the next winter and die in the awful cold. but of course it's also hard to accept. i picked that dog from the litter as a tiny little puppy who would fit in the palm of my five year old hand. i went from being a tiny little child to barely an adult in the time it took her to go from being a little baby to dying of old age. it's hard to wrap my head around that.

she'll be my last, as well. i dont want any more pets for so many reasons. the end isn't the largest among them, but it's certainly one more reason to add on top.

rest in peace and i hope you got all the headpats you wanted :headpat: