I mean, it’s not something you’re meant to do alone. “Humans are social beings” as they say. Getting better often means experimenting with the social world around you to see what works for you (and them) and what doesn’t.

The thing is you're right, but the only thing that seems to "work" for me & others is my general isolation from all social life.

I dunno; 30 years is short historically, but it's a lot of life to live for one person, very close to half the total life expectancy of most the world. And in my case, for as much of my life as I can honestly remember, the answer to the questions of "Where do I belong?", and "What should I be doing with myself?" have been very explicitly given to me. Those answers in order are, "Somewhere away from everyone else where you will not bother them.", and "Whatever the people who are in charge of you are telling you to do."

That's how it was when I was growing up, and that's still how it's been turning out as an adult.

I'm sorry it's a lot of work to explain in detail what I mean by all these things & been sitting here for the last couple hours trying to articulate them, but I just can't seem to write it all down in a way that's both informative & concise.