like I don't wanna be mr cracker callin cops but say you hear your neighbor bang on his front door so loud it shakes your apartment 3 rooms away, you hear him inside yelling with a woman, hard to tell what they say, but you clearly hear "get out of my face" from her, and either "give me my keys" or "give me my kids" (but wtf???) from her, shouting, and then pounding like someone is being flung around the room

is this cop time? do cops make things worse? is this "just talk to your neighbors" time even though the clear and present threat of violence is there?? I literally do not know what to do. I panicked, I called the cops, I think they literally just talked to the guy and then left.. idk what the alternative would be, I can't just get the woman alone to ask if she's okay when the dude's almost always there, guy is like 7 foot fuck,

e: I don't know how to reconcile "all cops suck they make everything worse" with not wanting to be a fucking bystander when someone is potentially (from all the sensory information I can gather) getting beaten by their partner

  • MattsAlt [comrade/them]
    ·
    2 years ago

    So OP should have done nothing? Or they should have gone to the door alone against someone who is obviously violent and bigger than them and done what? They have no power to make the abuser stop and instead just paint a target on their back.

    The chances the cops arrest the guy are about zero, but it seems incredibly unlikely that he goes back to assaulting her the same night after someone just called the cops from the noise.

    I hate the cops as much as anyone here, but unless you're the biggest guy in the apartment by a substantial margin or have a large group of fellow renters to confront him, what is the recourse outside of letting it happen and hoping he doesn't kill her?

    • cozy [she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      the only benefit you can possibly claim is that the police stopped the violence this one time. the problem with that is that it enrages abusers because it makes them feel powerless. he would seethe at the humiliation of having to yes-sir a bunch of cops and be even more likely to kill her the next time. you can try to intervene every time, but once you add in the risk of having cops around, you're way in the red.

      in terms of constructive suggestions, you can:

      1. decide that it's not your problem. do nothing and hope that he doesn't kill her. or,
      2. knock on their door yourself. imo you pretty much have to do this if she starts screaming. if you have a relationship with your neighbors, knock on at least one other door first and ask for them to join you. tell the guy to knock it off, or push your way past him and try to get to her and ask if she needs help.

      both of these options are strictly better for everyone than calling the police

      • MattsAlt [comrade/them]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Certainly a difficult situation to handle in our atomized and pig filled world. Ideally this is a scenario that encourages OP to find a few neighbors who would help confront the guy in the future because that is 100 % the best course of action.

        • Ligma_Male [comrade/them]
          ·
          2 years ago

          in fact, OP should talk to the other neighbors now so they have a plan for the next incident. If neighbors want to call the pigs remind them how long it took them to show up and how much damage an abuser can do in that time.

      • usa_suxxx
        ·
        3 days ago

        deleted by creator

        • cozy [she/her]
          ·
          2 years ago

          constructive, adj. definition:

          strictly better for everyone than calling the police