I'm a straight man who wants to be attractive to women, but society's masculine sex figures (capeshit heroes, underwear models, etc) are shaped for the male gaze even when they're ostensibly meant to be attractive to straight women.* So I'm afraid that emulating their examples, or cultural "common knowledge" about how to perform attractiveness, is mostly making me more attractive to men. Recently I was looking at a male friend's Bumble with some female friends and felt like I totally didn't understand female desire. And men seem a lot more interested in me than women.

Does anyone have reading suggestions? I'm NOT interested in redditisms like "women like rolled up sleeves", I want something more holistic and contextualized.

This post was prompted by a /r/MensLib post but please don't continue their comment fights here.

* Except for "women's media". Boy bands, romance novels, reality TV, etc. I would much rather read theory than consume a lot of pop culture though.

edit: holy shit guys please give me THEORY RECS. I don't care about individual opinions, the internet is full of them already and the comments are full of what I already talked about: cultural "common knowledge" about how to perform attractiveness.

  • The_Walkening [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Removed this because I was being an asshole and have no clue how strikethrough works

    Stumped on a reading suggestion, but seriously I feel it's not conforming to these traditional standards of male attractiveness, but what they give you- confidence and a little bit of "disinvestment" as it regards to attaining the desire of someone else. :gigachad: ain't sweating rejection.

    Also it's conspicuously absent from your post: what was your male friend doing in those photos? I feel like it's sort of important to show a little bit of yourself just beyond appearance (and also they're conversation starters and all that)

    • StewartCopelandsDad [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      “Fellas is it gay to be attractive to women?”

      This is actually more annoying to me than somebody calling me gay. Cut it out please. I don't mind that men hit on me in clubs, but if that's the primary effect of my gym time or outfit choices then it's wasted effort.

      My male friend was just posing. Sitting down, wearing a stylish but not adventurous outfit. It was a photoshoot with no props or activities. It was just something that clicked as "very hot photo" for my female friends and not at all for me.

      • The_Walkening [none/use name]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Sorry - That was shitty of me. You're asking a serious question so I shouldn't just spout meme bullshit.

        That's interesting about your friend though - I think the photographer might have just caught him putting out a "vibe" that came through on camera.