I'm a straight man who wants to be attractive to women, but society's masculine sex figures (capeshit heroes, underwear models, etc) are shaped for the male gaze even when they're ostensibly meant to be attractive to straight women.* So I'm afraid that emulating their examples, or cultural "common knowledge" about how to perform attractiveness, is mostly making me more attractive to men. Recently I was looking at a male friend's Bumble with some female friends and felt like I totally didn't understand female desire. And men seem a lot more interested in me than women.
Does anyone have reading suggestions? I'm NOT interested in redditisms like "women like rolled up sleeves", I want something more holistic and contextualized.
This post was prompted by a /r/MensLib post but please don't continue their comment fights here.
* Except for "women's media". Boy bands, romance novels, reality TV, etc. I would much rather read theory than consume a lot of pop culture though.
edit: holy shit guys please give me THEORY RECS. I don't care about individual opinions, the internet is full of them already and the comments are full of what I already talked about: cultural "common knowledge" about how to perform attractiveness.
I mean body wise scientific studies have been done and they found that women actually don't find the bodybuilder look the most attractive on average. They still found muscular fit guys attractive, but leaner guys. Think Brad Pitt from Fight club, swimmers, short to middle distance runners, middleweight boxers, etc. If you're prepared to put in a lot of work over a long period of time and eat right, I'd say a similar body type is attainable naturally (without steriods and performing enhancing drugs) for most men. Your "genetic limit" is not going to stop you from being lean and muscular. That only comes into play if you want to be really large and lean at the same time like a pro bodybuilder.
This is just on average though, many women like the bodybuilder look, bigger guys, skinnier guys, chubby guys, "bears" etc. Many conventionally "unattractive" people still have relationships.
But to be honest, the most attractive thing, in terms of personality and in terms of your body, is confidence. Confidence in your thoughts, opinions, in your fashion choices, in how you carry yourself. Not arrogance though. Confidence.
Treating women as legitimate equals will also take you far in our current sexist society. Valuing what they think, taking their opinions onboard, no "mansplaining", etc. As another comment in this thread said, just being nice can take you a long way.
The least attractive thing I've found is desperation. People can instantly sense it and it's a massive turn off. Think of people always "orbiting" around women, guys that would change everything about themselves to get a girl, guys that move on trying to get with every single women in the workplace or at university, etc. Second least attractive thing is over the top thirstyness, though I guess that's another form of desperation.
Just my observations as a bi guy watching everyone date and personal experience.