[CW: Internalized Ableism/Anti-ND Sentiment]
I'd think my image, self-esteem, and relationships with others would improve tremendously if I learned how to act neurotypical, but I don't even know where to start.
I feel like I have to first acknowledge the fact that I don't think right at all. I want to have the thought process and behavior of a neurotypical person, but I don't know how to perform that.
I first got diagnosed with autism as a child, and the psychiatrist who gave me that diagnosis made me feel a lot of relatibility to this condition I had never heard of before this time. As a child, this led me to believe that this matter was good to view from the angle of "I'm not inferior. I'm just different!", but now I no longer view my neurodivergence that way. I now acknowledge it as my worst flaw.
Effectively, I want to get to a point where any future psychiatrists I encounter will have a hard time detecting autism within me. I also have ADHD and bipolar disorder, and having those stacked on top of something I already deem horrendous makes me feel triple terrible.
I went down the same path as a ND person before and I'd say it's 50-50 on how much it was worth it. You can learn to emulate the behavior and even appear better than the average NT person because you can optimize the social game that everyone does on autopilot. The problem is that I can almost guarantee that your self-image, self-esteem, and relationships will not improve. These things come from having people see and accept who you are, not the mask you put on in order to get validation.
You'll have to learn the flows of conversation as an algorithm. It will never become natural, because a lot of ND people are wired against that, but it can be done with minimal effort after practice. You'll have to learn how to make facial expressions seem genuine, squinting the eyes to emulate the look of a real smile etc etc. Even then you'll doubt yourself a lot and make mistakes. I recommend a middle ground approach, learn how to communicate with NTs but don't necessarily hide your Neurodiversity. Treat it as translating your real self in a way that NTs can understand.