Dudes do not in fact rock

  • SuperNovaCouchGuy [any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    it implies a certain degree of inexperience and naivete in a relationship that I already went through in high school / college and I’m not eager to repeat.

    highschool/college relationships suck because the ppl who have the said sucky relationships were emotionally inexperienced in general and/or highschool students (who are usually overly neurotic weirdos due to being kids)

    id imagine any adult, by virtue of simply living on this earth and interacting with people irl or in cyberspace for a significant number of years, would be equipped with the emotional tools to navigate such matters as well right? Are you a recent college graduate yourself?

    there was also a study on this but i seriously forgot so cant link it

    how many people do you know irl who agree with this view?

    • zifnab25 [he/him, any]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      id imagine any adult, by virtue of simply living on this earth and interacting with people irl or in cyberspace for a significant number of years, would be equipped with the emotional tools to navigate such matters as well right?

      That has not been my experience.

      how many people do you know irl who agree with this view?

      Hard to say. Its not a conversation I have regularly. But I know a few women who are still in the dating scene into their 30s/40s, and they generally tend to shy away from "inexperienced" guys - particularly virgins - because men can get incredibly clinging if they've never gone through a break-up before.

      There's also just that question of the next step in a relationship. Being exclusive, moving in together, and getting married all carry different weight if you've never done them before.

      • SuperNovaCouchGuy [any]
        ·
        2 years ago

        That has not been my experience.

        plz elaborate sir, quantitatively if possible (ie. how many people like X as opposed to Y)

        Being exclusive, moving in together, and getting married all carry different weight if you’ve never done them before.

        only if th participants want to tho right? Marriage is a big decision universally and it can end pretty badly. Im sure that what you say applies to long term relationships but in the short term shouldnt things be better? Furthermore living with other people is an experience that is shared by many, wouldnt imagine it to be too jarring if its with a romantic partner for the first time.

        But I know a few women who are still in the dating scene into their 30s/40s, and they generally tend to shy away from “inexperienced” guys - particularly virgins - because men can get incredibly clinging if they’ve never gone through a break-up before.

        by dating do they mean fwb/casual sex or do they mean medium-long term commitment?

        • zifnab25 [he/him, any]
          ·
          2 years ago

          plz elaborate sir, quantitatively if possible

          I don't have any spreadsheets for you. I just know plenty of older people who lack maturity. This is, incidentally, totally independent of how much they fuck. But I do also notice that people who are coming out of committed relationships (particularly divorces) tend to fall back into them much faster than people who were late bloomers. Of course we're talking about sample sizes in the dozens, tops, so YMMV.

          only if th participants want to tho right?

          People with more experience tend to have more well-defined opinions and are more open about sharing those opinions. The question of marriage is highly charged between inexperienced daters, but it can come up on the first date for divorces. And its sort of a pivotal question, particularly later in life. You don't want to get into a five year relationship with someone you hope to marry, when that person is too traumatized from their divorce to ever do that again. Incidentally, my father-in-law runs into this problem both coming and going and gripes about it regularly.

          Furthermore living with other people is an experience that is shared by many, wouldnt imagine it to be too jarring if its with a romantic partner for the first time.

          I'd say the biggest difference between rooming platonically and romantically is that romantic couples value privacy in a way platonic households do not. I lived with roommates for the better part of a decade and dated outside the house. But it took about six months of introducing a live-in girlfriend before she insisted we needed our own place. And I honestly couldn't blame her.

          by dating do they mean fwb/casual sex or do they mean medium-long term commitment?

          This is the sort of question that more experienced couples bring up a lot sooner in a relationship.