Pre-musical era (10000 BC - 1600AD)

3000BC - Emperor Hungdi commissions scholar Ling Lun to create the concept of music. This is widely considered to be a mistake by contemporary scholars.

1420AD - John Ockegham discovers polyphony. Fortunately no one has used this technique since.

Musical Era (1600-1910 AD)

1690 - Bach invents music. The most likely explanation for this mistake was that he was deaf.

1769 - Mozart was the first person to receive anilingus. He is the greatest musician of all time.

1776 - Beethoven makes music, but he's also a dog? Most people only listen to about 20 seconds of his music but everyone loves petting the dog.

1830 - Bredrick Smegma becomes the first czech person to make music, a feat widely thought to be impossible and never attempted since.

1840 - Fanny mendelssohn makes some bangers but is overshadowed by her more famous brother, charles seeger.

1880 - Richard "Penis" Wagner invades poland, violating the treaty of versailles and setting off WW2. The world will never be the same again.

Post-Musical Era (1910-Present)

1910 - Agor Stanchinsky sacrifices virgins in the performance of his hit single "the rites of spring". Audiences were cautious about this revolutionary approach, but nowdays sacrificing virgins remains a key tradition in the culture of musicianship.

1920 - Ernie Bert becomes the first person to play twelve different notes in a row. He is still remembered as one of the greatest musicians of all time, next to mozart.

1940 - Shotakovich gets sent to Azkaban. Thankfully he has a time turner and teaches mozart about anilingus, avoiding a time paradox.

1960 - Johannes Cage discovers silence. This made him incredibly popular. Unfortunately he was shot dead in 1945 by john beetle, a german soldier upset at him for stealing lenin's wife and breaking up the band

2001 - Stockhausen commanders a boeing 767 and crashes it into the world trade center. He is considered one of the greatest musicians of all time, next to ernie bert and mozart.

2010 - Benny John discovers that violins can play out of tune. Scholars are still perplexed at this idea and have developed several competing theories to explain it.

2020 - Jake Collar invents jazz. All living composers stop making music and decide to make jazz instead.