I would drink this
Stardew behavior
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it's a condiment AND a dressing
And a floor wax
And a hate crime
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intrusive thought: dipping cheezits in this
a bowl of cheezits, a bowl of cool ranch doritos, a bowl of this stuff for dipping
but it's also a dressing, so put a pair of tongs in with the cheezits and doritos, and one of those little dressing ladles and a gravy boat full of this stuff so your guests can make a cheezit and cool ranch dorito salad with cheezit ranch dressing
looks disgusting. the globs I squirt into my mouth while I lay on the couch watching TV probably wouldn't even be that big.
"This product contains a substance that fits the FDA definition of cheese."
If you hammer some of the nails in with a brick of parmesian, you can say your house was made with 100% real cheese.
So I'm one of those basic bitch white girls that grew up in a bubble in Utah. I eat food that is bland and unappealing to most people. Like even I think they have taken it too far and this was probably made for mayo's like me.
I didn't realize how low a spice tolerance could be until I met some rural Midwestern white people. There are real people out there who think taco bell mild sauce is too spicy.
It seems like for Midwesterners (Utahans count) they're either the "black pepper is too spicy" types or the "experimental hottest pepper + pure capsaisin extract barely makes me feel anything" types and nothing in between.
If I had never visited rural southern Utah, I'd say you're exaggerating. But I've met those people.
I have a couple of friends who are dating. One lives in California and one is in New York. They argue all the time about what city has the best food. When they came to visit me for a few weeks they left and said to me that they both agree that food in Utah was the worst they have had. I agreed with em, because for me I like to whip my taste buds around between two extremes. Its probably a neurodivergent thing because its all sensory based. I like to eat some spicy ass food but I don't like pure capsaisin. I really loved eating Indian and Japanese curry that others would never touch in my home town.
Whenever I get overstimulated I always return to my roots tho and love eating like a bowl of unsweetened corn flakes, or some tots and corndogs. I really miss squeaky cheese from Lehi because when its super fresh it squeaks in your mouth.
My go-to Utah food story was when I was in Panguitch looking for lunch and I asked the cashier at the thrift store for recommendations and she asked what I was in the mood for and I said "probably not Mexican" and she replied with "good, because we don't have an ethnic food here" and then reccomended I walk next door to the blandest diner you've ever seen called "the flying goat". Aside from my wine that definetly came from a box, everything I consumed there was brown.
But I definetly get it being comforting, my goto when I'm completely overwhelmed is eating ramen noodles straight out of the package.
Yea the classic plate of "hot mess" as I call it. There are lots of versions of it from open faced turkey to my favorite which is SOS. I always love showing pics from the place in my hometown.
(CW:Meat)
spoiler
Show
i'm in the middle. there's a pizza place around here with mild and hot buffalo wings and i get the mild because the hot overpowers the flavor of the chicken and the honey mustard or whatever dip.
I hate the capitalist tactic of selling a mixture of two or more products.
I'd rather have a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly than buy a jar of it premade. It's all such lazy strategy to sell a novelty.
at least for this, you were never going to grind up cheezits and put them in your ranch and even if someone did this formulation will have a texture you can't achieve at home.
pre-mixed pb&j better be a disability aid for people with one arm.
i'm sure that's been meticulously designed to taste good on a french fry, but it might also just be weirdly fucking terrible. despite the best effort of food scientists, sometimes they post their L's
