yeah i'm not judging anybody who does that just in case it wasn't clear. I don't want to pull the "i have stealth friends" card here, but i do have stealth friends and i understand why they live this way and i do not mind that. But what i'm getting at is, with these friends of mine, i always get the sense they're just doing that out of security and practicality concerns and that they are generally fine with the way they are, and in particular all of them are part of (and consider themselves part of) the queer community.
Whereas these people i was talking about ... they hate being trans in itself and i always get the impression they're deeply ashamed of it, too. As if they're not stealth out of security or practicality concerns, but because they're embarassed to be who they are. As if they do not dare to be out because they cannot overcome massive amounts of internalized transphobia. idk if that makes sense.
Yeah that makes sense. I mean, tbh, I do hate being trans because who wouldn't want to avoid all these surgeries and stuff? But that hate doesnt extend to other trans people, I'm all about helping other trans people get their shit together and making sure they're doing things safely. I also love our community at large, it connects you to a global shared history. Its wild to be able to instantly click with some random lady from rural China for example
I do hate being trans because who wouldn’t want to avoid all these surgeries and stuff?
Here's the thing, the surgeries and stuff aren't due to you being trans, they're due to you inhabiting a body incongruent with your gender identity. Yes, that's usually a pretty big part of trans people's experiences, but it's not necessarily the case for all trans people. If you're NB, have a fairly androgynous gender identity and a fairly androgynous body, you may not require any medical transitioning. If you've been on puberty blockers since 11, started HRT after that and do not want bottom surgery, then what's there to worry about in that regard? You just need to take some medication permanently, a ton of people do that.
Yeah, i get it, these are edge cases. But they show an important point, that it's gender dysphoria / gender incongruence that sucks and not being trans. That's a pretty big deal in my book. It's the key to stop pathologizing ourselves and to understand the actual pathology here, the condition that actually deserves treatment, which is not being transitioned as far as we need to. I understand that some people feel invalidated when i tell them i do not hate being trans at all and am actually proud of who i am, what i am. That i feel blessed for learning these things about myself and others. That i see the cracking of my egg as the biggest moment of liberation in my life, where they perceive it as a catastrophy. But if i would not have been shown that being trans can mean to be happy, i would still be an egg, i would still be depressed and bordering on suicidal and would have substance abuse issues and depersonalization and weird somatoform disorders and all that other shit that came from me desperately holding back the truth in an attempt to protect myself.
Dysphoria is awful, repression is awful, minority stress is awful. But while all of these can (and frequently do) follow from being trans, being trans in itself doesn't do anybody any harm. And when we focus on transness being our problem, it means we get upset about the one thing we can't change, and that's also at the core of who we are, instead of getting upset about things that we potentially can change or at least mitigate and learn how to live with.
itd be great to fuckin have been on puberty blockers. such a tragedy :screm: highkey jealous of people that had supporting family that saw the signs and got them help. i pass but im still fucked up over the small things that changed in my face.
i mean yeah i agree with you. still sucks that i gotta be on meds and stuff.
yeah i'm not judging anybody who does that just in case it wasn't clear. I don't want to pull the "i have stealth friends" card here, but i do have stealth friends and i understand why they live this way and i do not mind that. But what i'm getting at is, with these friends of mine, i always get the sense they're just doing that out of security and practicality concerns and that they are generally fine with the way they are, and in particular all of them are part of (and consider themselves part of) the queer community.
Whereas these people i was talking about ... they hate being trans in itself and i always get the impression they're deeply ashamed of it, too. As if they're not stealth out of security or practicality concerns, but because they're embarassed to be who they are. As if they do not dare to be out because they cannot overcome massive amounts of internalized transphobia. idk if that makes sense.
Yeah that makes sense. I mean, tbh, I do hate being trans because who wouldn't want to avoid all these surgeries and stuff? But that hate doesnt extend to other trans people, I'm all about helping other trans people get their shit together and making sure they're doing things safely. I also love our community at large, it connects you to a global shared history. Its wild to be able to instantly click with some random lady from rural China for example
Here's the thing, the surgeries and stuff aren't due to you being trans, they're due to you inhabiting a body incongruent with your gender identity. Yes, that's usually a pretty big part of trans people's experiences, but it's not necessarily the case for all trans people. If you're NB, have a fairly androgynous gender identity and a fairly androgynous body, you may not require any medical transitioning. If you've been on puberty blockers since 11, started HRT after that and do not want bottom surgery, then what's there to worry about in that regard? You just need to take some medication permanently, a ton of people do that.
Yeah, i get it, these are edge cases. But they show an important point, that it's gender dysphoria / gender incongruence that sucks and not being trans. That's a pretty big deal in my book. It's the key to stop pathologizing ourselves and to understand the actual pathology here, the condition that actually deserves treatment, which is not being transitioned as far as we need to. I understand that some people feel invalidated when i tell them i do not hate being trans at all and am actually proud of who i am, what i am. That i feel blessed for learning these things about myself and others. That i see the cracking of my egg as the biggest moment of liberation in my life, where they perceive it as a catastrophy. But if i would not have been shown that being trans can mean to be happy, i would still be an egg, i would still be depressed and bordering on suicidal and would have substance abuse issues and depersonalization and weird somatoform disorders and all that other shit that came from me desperately holding back the truth in an attempt to protect myself.
Dysphoria is awful, repression is awful, minority stress is awful. But while all of these can (and frequently do) follow from being trans, being trans in itself doesn't do anybody any harm. And when we focus on transness being our problem, it means we get upset about the one thing we can't change, and that's also at the core of who we are, instead of getting upset about things that we potentially can change or at least mitigate and learn how to live with.
itd be great to fuckin have been on puberty blockers. such a tragedy :screm: highkey jealous of people that had supporting family that saw the signs and got them help. i pass but im still fucked up over the small things that changed in my face.
i mean yeah i agree with you. still sucks that i gotta be on meds and stuff.
THANK YOU. people look at me funny when I say I love being trans.