Re-written by GPT-4, with all of the Trump quotes rephrased in something more like his own voice:

Responding to the news that the Manhattan District Attorney had indicted him over payments to adult film actress Stormy Daniels, former President Donald Trump denounced the move Friday, telling reporters, "This witch hunt is huge, folks, the biggest, like the Hindenburg of witch hunts. But unlike that disaster, I won't go down in flames, believe me."

"Look, this indictment is just the Democrats and the fake news, the worst, coming after me with their sticky webs of deception, trying to bring me down, but I'm like Teflon," Trump said, adding, "These people, they're everywhere, you know? Teachers, doctors, social workers – acting like they can judge me. But I'm the ultimate judge, like a supercharged Judge Judy, and I'm not gonna let them win."

"It's a massive, colossal political hit job, carried out by these very dishonest, very corrupt Democrats. They're using the law like a sledgehammer, trying to smash my beautiful empire. The law? It's just a toy for the powerful to manipulate the little people, but I'm the biggest, the best, the most amazing," Trump continued. "George Soros, awful guy, really awful, bankrolls them, and they're using the legal system – our magnificent Constitution, can you believe it? – to aim at me. But no president, ever, has been indicted before, so this is astronomically unfair to me."

"We all know the law isn't about right and wrong, it's about who's got the shiniest gold-plated stick, okay? Sometimes they let people off the hook, sometimes they don't. It's all about who's pulling the strings," Trump said. "I mean, just look at how they treat Black people in this country, folks. The arrest rates, the incarceration rates, gigantic numbers, really gigantic, way higher than for white people, and that's just not right. But these so-called 'experts' on race, they say that it's all about politics and the interests of the big shots, the high rollers. Sad, so tremendously sad!"

At press time, numerous Republican officials, including Sen. Lindsey Graham, Rep. Matt Gaetz, and Rep. Kevin McCarthy, had come out in agreement that Trump's arrest was politically motivated, with many of them quoting legal theories that supported the idea that the law is often influenced by politics, while others shared memes comparing Trump to a phoenix rising from the ashes.