It is better to create systems that produce situations in which people function in the way they would like to function than try to optimize people into behaving like that in any situation.
You of course have agency and can do quite a bit, but what works better than trying to generate a habit out of will is to create structures and support systems which enable that behavior as default.
If you notice that you are having trouble with your partner when you work 40 hours a week in the evening when you are exhausted then the best way to deal with it is systemic change and change of the structures, sure working on yourself is part of it, but having less hours (if you can manage surviving) and more chill time might be good for it.
If the two of you have often trouble in a specific situation since you got your ADHD i.e. that stuff isn't clean then it is good to reframe the situation and not demand of a person that doesn't have good executive function to fulfill tasks which demand a lot of good executive function. A friend of mine pays his software engineer hourly wage now for a person who does some amount of cleaning and that relationship stress level got reduced hard. Capitalist solution? Sure in a sense, but it is also accepting that you are not alone and in a relationship there is still a whole society out there. We are better together than individualist.
It is better to create systems that produce situations in which people function in the way they would like to function than try to optimize people into behaving like that in any situation.
You of course have agency and can do quite a bit, but what works better than trying to generate a habit out of will is to create structures and support systems which enable that behavior as default.
If you notice that you are having trouble with your partner when you work 40 hours a week in the evening when you are exhausted then the best way to deal with it is systemic change and change of the structures, sure working on yourself is part of it, but having less hours (if you can manage surviving) and more chill time might be good for it.
If the two of you have often trouble in a specific situation since you got your ADHD i.e. that stuff isn't clean then it is good to reframe the situation and not demand of a person that doesn't have good executive function to fulfill tasks which demand a lot of good executive function. A friend of mine pays his software engineer hourly wage now for a person who does some amount of cleaning and that relationship stress level got reduced hard. Capitalist solution? Sure in a sense, but it is also accepting that you are not alone and in a relationship there is still a whole society out there. We are better together than individualist.