this is a tangent to the story, but the snack thing is a source of me feeling alienated from burgerland. when i was younger, obviously, it's snack time 24-7. sodas, treatos, yumyums, give me everything. i could absent-mindedly obliterate a bag of chips/crisps and a bowl of candy easily. i used to joke that the two food groups were "sweet" and "salt" and a fulfilling snack session meant having both.

from 12 to my late 20s i was very much a plumped and swollen treat king. in my late 20s, i got an outdoor heavy labor job and became more appropriately husky, but still ate like a child... though i started trying to make better decisions so i wouldn't feel like shit at work. less sugar in general / no sugar drinks, less salt. but pretty much all snacks are just sugar and salt, except healthy snacks which are expensive. and i was broke. anyway, somewhere in there, i just stopped snacking. i stopped buying snacks. like i would maybe have some apples available and peanut butter on whole grain toast is available. there are always components around to make a little something. but i purposely removed crappy snacky items from my surroundings. over the years, i just don't snack really. i have options that are satisfying, but take a little effort. like frozen strawberries + water + peanut butter = a little smoothie. less water makes it more like a half-melted ice cream consistency.

anyway, people come over to my house to hang out and like, i forget to have snacks? onetime somebody yelled at me because i don't have any chips or pretzels. "how could you not have any chips?" this was a grown woman who was like 35 with a phd. i offered her an apple and she acted like i was playing a prank. i probably sound like some kind of austere freak. i don't look like a health nut. i don't have any hard-rule dietary restrictions, though i tend to skip any dessert situation. i totally appreciate junk food, but i try not to make it a constant intake. i have high blood pressure and was diagnosed diabetic in my 40s, so in my estimation i'm just being sort of responsible.

anyway, my point is, i don't have snackies in my house. i don't buy them or keep them. i have stuff to make a light snack, but it's not in a crinkly bag. there's no ice cream in the fridge. and people my age, older, and younger ... even my own family who has similar health issues, they come over and are like annoyed at me for not having chips and candies and shit. and when i hang out at anyone else's house, they all have snacks and stuff everywhere. like the pantry is full of this stuff. it's just all snacking until its time to eat. like that's what we're doing: watching/interacting with media while snacking, sitting in chairs and snacking. everyone, everywhere eating lots of salt and sugar and washing it down with alcohol.

like no shit we all have metabolic disorders and organs struggling to perform their functions.