For some reason the tag post didn't work last time and the thread didn't get stickied. I want to get this going again, and rather than agonizing over the perfect wording of a new chapter post, I want to re-post this one and see if we can't get a spotlight on it this time.
WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6
PRIOR THREADS:
So again, been a minute. I've been dealing with a lot of shit, and kept putting this off because I really didn't want to half-ass it. So I guess I'm using three quarters of my ass here.
In chapter 4, Dr. Price goes over the various flawed ways masked autistics keep themselves going just to function, and how incredibly debilitating the effects of all this are. Namely substance abuse, eating disorders, detachment/disassociation, adherence to rigid belief systems, and fawning/people-pleasing. I've experienced all of these to some degree or another myself, and have been working extremely hard to find my way out of the dark forest. I keep bumping into trees (social problems).
Anyway, Dr Price talks about how booze and weed are seen as gateways to social acceptance since it makes you more relaxed and people expect "goofy" behavior out of the inebriated. Eating disorders allow us to be focused on being thin and pretty, or else just burying our feelings under a mountain of junk food, or binging and purging -- anything to seize some control. Detachment/disassociation allow us to function, technically, even when internally we just have to shut down and carry on with what we're doing. Rigid belief systems? Very good way to easily sort out "good" and "bad" things and people. Fawning? Something every socially successful autistic person has fallen back on at some point as reflexive self-defense, but also a strategy people lean into to be liked (but not respected).
The reasons for these behaviors are pretty plain to see, as is the damage they do to us. This one resonated with me a lot; I'll have to take some time to write out my thoughts in full later on, but I wanted to get this one posted because I've been putting it off long enough. Discussion questions:
- As usual, any passages or quotes that really stick out to you? Anything confusing or enlightening?
- What flawed coping strategies have you used to get through life? What has it cost you?
- Are you still struggling with any of these? Are you starting to realize you're struggling and just didn't notice the specific way yet?
Tag post to follow, my own thoughts later on.
I am far away from getting back into my ND reading list but I have a few downloaded for when I do get back to it.
I read Unfuck Your Brain and though I enjoy my fair share of cursing I got a bit turned off by how she could spend some time really digging into something then just unload a bunch of curse words. It was still a good book but felt a little "fellow kids". If you want a similar book with less fucks, check out The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. There is a summary of it from Goldmine Reads if you don't wanna read through 500 pages of stuff you just read anyway. That was what I did.
I found Looking After Your Autistic Self to be immensely helpful - for organizing your days, for listening to your body, for managing sensory struggles, etc. The most actively useful book I've read on the subject since these posts got me started in January.
Sweet. Gonna bump it up in my list. I try to read is sort of themes so when I come back to neurodivergence I'll probably start with that. I just put it in my "current list" as a reminder.
I read in themes, too. One of the reasons why we're in this thread, eh?
Lol true!