27 June 2023

The first “L" station I came in to contact with was Western. I’ve written here that I like watch downtown Chicago’s nighttime drift into morning from Western Station; I also like to watch the city fall into slumber from the same vantage point. The trains, though they are loud, are regular and do not break the peace.

As I have signed up for the programs I should sign up for—I have sought assistance from those programs designed for people in my position. And yet I find myself reaching nothing.

I am not suicidal but more and more the suicide prevention signs on the tracks speak directly to me. I noticed the hostility of the design: the benches are all the too short; there are cameras everywhere; there are no restrooms; there are even spikes to drive off birds.

I thought I would be able to get a job pretty quickly. Instead I’ve been skipping eating every third day (those of you who have seen me in real life know it’s no major loss). But beyond this, I feel as though even the weather is mocking me: it is nearly July, I constantly wear three layers, and yet I can’t stop shivering.

I will be ending the GoFundMe soon.