a fun period in my life was when I lurked in places such as r/foreveralone because of being lonely and thinking "I'm around that age now, I might be looking for a relationship soon", in addition to feeling... something for a classmate. It wasn't a desire to commit sexual acts, or a romantic relationship as I now understand it. Not sure, I think I just wanted to become friends or something. I'm not able to tell in hindsight.

But alas, I thought I needed/wanted it. The pattern repeated itself a couple of times, even to the unfortunate event of "confessing" my "feelings" to someone and thankfully getting rejected. Eventually, I think I stumbled upon the ace subreddit and found myself relating to it. I wasn't even surprised/in denial, just accepted it without much hassle. The road to self-discovery is definitely one full of potholes.

Even then, I still have self-doubts that I'm only just faking it or it's a question of my mental health or something. Oh well.

Still, I'm a sucker for romance in fiction despite all that.