I find it hard to bring people to communism because telling them the truth of our system most often leads them to a doom spiral where fighting back against capitalism seems impossible and that the world is fucked. I feel bad because I feel like all it does is make people depressed. It's too much. People are tired and burnt out from daily life too much to handle it.
I will not be happy. I will seethe with barely controlled rage at the injustice of the system until the day I feel compelled to do an adventurism or my heart explodes from the stress.
Also I have a bunch of severe mental illnesses so happiness is almost literally not biomedically possible. Joy will betray you but hatred will keep you warm on the coldest night.
You should try to be happy, though. I 100% support you in that endeavor. I just choose the path of annihilation, that's all.
You don't need to suffer like that, earnestly.
I understand the sentiment but it's entirely possible to be, if not outright joyful, accepting of yourself. You aren't ordnance- you're a human, and as corny as it sounds, you deserve to love yourself and be loved. You don't have to be a primed grenade to reach some kind of fulfilling existence. Even outside of an ideal and perfect world, some of us on this earth would stand and protect you to give you the time you need to figure that out.
Even if bloody things are to be done in the course of liberation, it is out of love and understanding for what we are as creatures... not hatred.