"i can't believe i can't go to a whole ass other country and not use my funny-money card, have all the signage be in my language, and use my home cell phone plan and apps to figure out what place has the best burger and fries without talking to anyone."

fuck tourists. learn to travel. if you want to go to "China" but not enough to have to figure anything out, the Epcot World Showcase is right there. you can get sodas and snacks and buy trinkets.