TRAGEDY struck in the early hours of this morning when 83 year old Beatles legend fell to his death on the express line between 28th street and 42nd. Witnesses say they saw the late singer accompanied with any anonymous partner and the two were stood in between train cars which the MTA says is forbidden, “it’s really dangerous” Pete Reynolds’s Chief Safety Officer for NY’s MTA says, “since I’ve been working here, so twenty years, about 56 people have fallen just from standing or crossing train cars. This is why we put stickers on the doors and tell you not to do it. Just because you can open the doors doesn’t mean you should.” One passenger recounts how they could hear a few moans and shuffling around until he heard a shriek coming from one of the two lovers, “I don’t really pay attention to this sort of stuff, I let people be, but I was worried for their safety so I just kept watching, for their safety, anyway I knew they were giving each other head and I just thought how dangerous it was. I was tempted to join them and maybe say ‘hey this is dangerous maybe you shouldn’t’ but by that time I think John had fallen into the tracks. I could’ve stopped it happening maybe.”

Police were notified by passengers and the anonymous partner was taken into custody for questioning. A spokesperson with the Port Authority Police Department confirmed the body belonged to the Beatles legend and that “his corpse was scattered from 28th street all the way to 42nd, it was everywhere.”