The first point is fair, you can't reasonably expect any one game to be beatable by every single person. But the resistance from the devs seems more philosophical than pragmatic. Difficulty options are often requested, and to their credit it's something the developers considered a lot more with Elden Ring, why they won't just add some optional difficulty settings seems bizarre.

As for grinding, no, that's not what I consider grinding. But you definitely can hit a wall in Elden Ring where you've done all the content you can find but still can't progress anywhere. And running around the map is only interesting for so long. Go to youtube, there's plenty of 'best farming location' videos. Elden Ring can be grindy if you just don't meet their arbitrary skill level.