I don't know to proceed in order to build social bonds. My whole concept of friendship was based around being a depressed guy.
I think that's going to be one of your biggest barriers to connecting with people. (Add an implied "...with mindful opsec" to everything below)
There aren't many times where people just reach out to say hi without some sort of connection. It doesn't have to be you previously starting a conversation or being a familiar presence in a social space, just something to indicate the two of you could carry a conversation. It could be something you're currently doing/working on, something you like, or maybe something you want to do in the future. You can signal that from posting, responding to others about things you mutually like, or just your pfp. I don't know how much you do this outside of hex, but I skimmed your comments before writing this and, aside from general support, I didn't really know what I would start a conversation with you about. You've talked a bit about going to college at an older age than the average student and you've mentioned being out in nature a few times, so I guess you like that too. Partial skill issue on my part, I'm not really a nature person lol, but with college you mostly just vent about anxieties. The rest of your posting is also mostly venting.
I'm not trying to be rude or saying tell us everything, but in a space like this or even a trans discord/matrix server most people aren't just going to dm you one day out of an implicit social duty. The community aspect of trans communities is powered by mutual interests. The friendships that seem to whither the quickest are the ones based solely on just being trans together. I can also personally say that my friendships based on just being sad together haven't lasted much longer. You don't have to be the one to reach out first to make friends (though it helps), but you do need to give someone a reason to reach out in the first place. You might eventually get that from venting, but I don't think it's going to the lasting friendship you're looking for. People are mindful of their capacity to give support and listen, they only have so much to offer. A connection started over one-sided venting is intimidating to a lot of people and that's not a reflection of them being shitty, it's just beyond what they're able to provide. Friendships work best when two people both bring something to them, which can be as simple as "friend who also enjoys thing that I love talking about" - that means the world to many people lol.
tl;dr - I don't think you're just [depressed person]. You're so much more than that, and that's something I didn't need to read your posts to know. It's not easy to suddenly believe the other parts of you are worth sharing too, but I think that's going to stand in the way of friendship more than anything. I really hope this wasn't preachy, but feeling confused about social stuff feels so isolating and you saying you deserved it couldn't be further from the truth.
I've spent the last two weeks thinking about whether it's time to kill myself. I don't have an answer yet. I feel like I'm staring off the cliff of my life and I don't feel either ready to jump or walk away. I'm just staring, feeling less, existing with a vagina, being asked to perform, to cry, to justify myself and beg for surgeons offices to listen to me.
I don't know what to do, so I just keep staring and hoping I'll understand what's next.
I just sobbed after work and need to go to the grocery store. My face won't be cleared up, but I need to eat, so it's time to go in now.
the surgeon I was going with backed out because he doesn't feel confident enough for my specific case yet. he said he would try to research and contact me again in a few weeks to see if he found any leads for where I go
cw: hopelessness, venting
I tried to tell him I accept that there's uncertainty on outcomes and complications and even having a phallus alone would help me so much, but that wasn't enough.
exhausting every way you can think of trying to convince someone to take a chance and pull you from the misery only for him to kindly and firmly refute each is difficult. feeling completely backed into a corner with nothing but acceptance that this grim era will continue without the hope I was holding onto, it really is difficult
wow fuck what they said. those are incredibly rude and demeaning things to say. it might not feel that way now, but you deserve so much better than someone who would talk about you like this. I hope in the meantime you're doing the best you can
the surgery site itself is fine, but I need to clear the donor area. for me that'll be forearm, so hopefully it goes quickly. not looking forward to the cost of that again lol
finally argued my case hard enough that the surgeon I'm going with says he feels comfortable moving forward with insurance authorization
lost respect for him over the last month, but I don't really need to respect him for him to do surgery. I'll take the W
now back to electrolysis once again. 😅
I've also learned all the hiragana and katana characters and can remember them without reference
need to learn more words and kanji now. it was really intimidating to finally start learning japanese, but it's really not so bad once I got used to it. I can slowly start reading words in media I like and that's so exciting, even if it takes me so long for now
+1 it's a show I love so much and very meaningful to me as a queer person. it's not perfect, but ahead of it's time in a lot of ways. I'm also not someone who thinks it's perfect and have no problem criticizing parts that fall short heavily. @gaystyleJoker@hexbear.net and I bonded a lot over our appreciation of the show and did a rewatch of Next Gen and Next Class last year (300+ episodes lol) and we're gonna do it again soon. we did like a mini degrassi night on a server we share with some friends and it was so fun, would love to talk about it more and get watch threads for more people now too
I think that's going to be one of your biggest barriers to connecting with people. (Add an implied "...with mindful opsec" to everything below)
There aren't many times where people just reach out to say hi without some sort of connection. It doesn't have to be you previously starting a conversation or being a familiar presence in a social space, just something to indicate the two of you could carry a conversation. It could be something you're currently doing/working on, something you like, or maybe something you want to do in the future. You can signal that from posting, responding to others about things you mutually like, or just your pfp. I don't know how much you do this outside of hex, but I skimmed your comments before writing this and, aside from general support, I didn't really know what I would start a conversation with you about. You've talked a bit about going to college at an older age than the average student and you've mentioned being out in nature a few times, so I guess you like that too. Partial skill issue on my part, I'm not really a nature person lol, but with college you mostly just vent about anxieties. The rest of your posting is also mostly venting.
I'm not trying to be rude or saying tell us everything, but in a space like this or even a trans discord/matrix server most people aren't just going to dm you one day out of an implicit social duty. The community aspect of trans communities is powered by mutual interests. The friendships that seem to whither the quickest are the ones based solely on just being trans together. I can also personally say that my friendships based on just being sad together haven't lasted much longer. You don't have to be the one to reach out first to make friends (though it helps), but you do need to give someone a reason to reach out in the first place. You might eventually get that from venting, but I don't think it's going to the lasting friendship you're looking for. People are mindful of their capacity to give support and listen, they only have so much to offer. A connection started over one-sided venting is intimidating to a lot of people and that's not a reflection of them being shitty, it's just beyond what they're able to provide. Friendships work best when two people both bring something to them, which can be as simple as "friend who also enjoys thing that I love talking about" - that means the world to many people lol.
tl;dr - I don't think you're just [depressed person]. You're so much more than that, and that's something I didn't need to read your posts to know. It's not easy to suddenly believe the other parts of you are worth sharing too, but I think that's going to stand in the way of friendship more than anything. I really hope this wasn't preachy, but feeling confused about social stuff feels so isolating and you saying you deserved it couldn't be further from the truth.