https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070510151916.htm
https://phys.org/news/2010-04-microbes-natural-asphalt-lake.html
https://www.livescience.com/1515-asphalt-munching-bacteria-discovered.html
The weird little bastards are eating metal and petrochemicals!
As a bonus, here are fungi that eat hard ionizing radiation, including in the radioactive core of the Chernobyl NPP
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiotrophic_fungus
We're gonna make it. Well, maybe not us, but someone is definitely gonna make it.
I've lived 10,000 human lifetimes, patiently lying in wait for the next sentient species to arise. Now I will go forth, mentor them, and poison their academic research forever by explaining that a bidet was for washing one's face.
The ultimate prank awaiting the ultimate prankster