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Any and all textual works can be decried as "lacking exigence", no matter their content.
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Make vague references to "the canon". Do not explain what canon you're talking about.
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Employ words like "ethic (singular)", "schema", "polity". It doesn't matter if you use them correctly, just use them.
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Pick a noun or an adjective to use as a verb. Just give it your own definition and let the audience figure it out.
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Use obtuse definitions of philosophical frameworks, like "it's about bodies moving through space". Do not elaborate or make it easier to tell what the fuck that's supposed to mean.
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If someone is making a good argument that you don't like, say it's "reinforcing teleological norms" and refuse to engage with it any more.
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And, of course, the classic: Anything you don't like is "deeply unserious".
thank u for coming to my ted talk
When arguing, use "ergo" a lot to make sure people know you just made a point, even if you haven't made a point.
Also I actually used "schema" earlier today but I was explaining a bit of code for the blog logic for my web framework to my partner.