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he heard about the hot couch phenomenon and took it all wrong
unironic take I saw on mastodon was that the couchfucker thing is "problematic" because there is nothing wrong with fucking a couch, masturbation is good and healthy and normal, anyway maybe think about that before posting your crankphobic takes next time
If there is a place where most of it userbase fucked a couch, I'd bet is Mastodon
Imagine having couch fucker vibes so strong that one tweet can make a plurality of the population believe you fucked a couch
