I've been having this issue for a few days now. Roughly twice a day, for 10-15 mins, my internet just suddenly goes out without any warning. Then it comes back and is totally fine again. ISP says that there's nothing going on on their end (and most of the time when I have an internet outage they do say they're having an issue)
Is the router just fucked? Are there web goblins stealing my interwebs? Is there any way to tell?
If I had to take a wild shot in the dark my best guess is that your router's upstream connection settings are a bit messed up and whenever your ISP gives you a new ip dhcp is taking a long time for whatever reason. You could try to pay attention to if your outgoing ip changes whenever this happens https://www.showmyip.com/
I guess also I'm assuming you're using a router with a built-in either cable or fiber modem? If you have a separate modem you might want to see about resetting it as well.