For better or worse. Small scale or large. Personal or shared. What is an event you've experienced that changed the way you act, live, feel, etc. It could be short-term or long. Share what you feel comfortable with. Triumphs and tragedies alike.
Must've been around 13-15, went to a pizza hut with my then girlfriend. I saw a darker skinner, heavy-set lady walking over to the counter with her two kids, all of them looking a little dishevelled. Without thinking I said "She looks poor" in probably a demeaning manner to my girlfriend, and she answered "you say that like it's her fault".
I'm dumb as fuck so the penny didn't drop until several years later about the reality of my privilege, and how unfair and fucked up the system really is. Nearly ended up alt-right, now I'm a comrade.
Gunna sneak in here, because I clearly don't know when to quit - and say the funniest thing is that up until like...now - where middle class folks are seemingly just as heavy as impoverished folks - I think the reason why so many poor folk were always so heavy is because you literally never get real food. All of it's some processed super high-salt slop that you can't really run off of. And when you're hungry - you don't really run well. And it feels like you're really eating food, but you sure as hell never are. Outside of like...holidays maybe. But even then - it's a lot of canned shit. It's why I am a huge proponent of the "immigrant/fob" diet. Of like - eating simple homecooked meals. Like rice and beans all the way, add a veggie and you're clutch - and an apple for desert? Choice! But yeah, everyone I grew up around was fatter than shit. And it's cause not a soul ever was eating food. And the produce we could get could fit in a deli shelf. And I think about it so often, like - how the fuck does America get away throwing away so much actual food (worked at grocery stores before and we trash a shitton of food) - but we can't be bothered to give real food to a large percentage of our population? It's fucking naners. I bet you this event meant nothing at the time, but floated up like cream when you needed it - and it's funny how stuff works like that retroactively teaching you lessons. Hahahaha! You got this king of kings!
At the time it felt like I should be learning something but I just felt a bit ashamed, being nagged and all. Yk the saying, wisdom was chasing me but I was faster. Just needed my knees and back to ache for it to catch up. It honestly wasn't even age that got it to land. I just met people that didn't really go to the same places I did, or had a different idea of a hangout spot. I needed to see stuff with my own eyes to learn.
I'm slowly making my way through leftist theory, and introducing my equally-as-privileged friends into it, and have managed to change some of their beliefs which previously were set in stone. They're still liberal as shit, but at least now understand socialism/communism isn't just people trying to take their stuff.
Yo! You're the resistor person, hey! Hahahaha!
I used to be so excited for the internet. I thought we were building towards something grand. And I mean, the internet is super cool - I have no clue where you are, but I know you're not around me. And it's cool as hell I can say - HEY RESISTOR PERSON! But the echo-chamber stuff is scary business. The slimy entrepreneurial aspects freak me out too. I've also been wrestling with my own politics as a whole. I am for sure in one of the most liberal spaces in the world (not born and raised, perhaps more so siren songed) and to be absolutely honest I am not in love. There's some aspects that are cool, but socially? I am a butterfly, here? Eh. I love my partner though, so I stay. But 10/10 not my favorite place by half. Which has me wondering - I am liberal most def. But I don't believe I am liberal enough for this place. Which sounds freakin' bananas because you'd imagine a queer little mixed one like me would be doing great out here. But it all seems so performative to be honest. Like if virtual signaling was the thing that got people off. Idk.
Which is where I am fucked up, cause it's got my head a certain way. But I also am by 0 means conservative. Just has me a certain way that makes you stand back, tilt your head to your side with your arms crossed and have a solid "huh" kinda think.
Also - propaganda is so strong that things that got circled around generations ago is still making the rounds! Look at how media is mind control =P! Also it takes me a hundred years to arrive to anything. The fact that you got it at all, when you're living in a majority conservative space is huge. Because it's really easy for people to follow "the leader" (being the majority here) instead of sticking their neck out for what they believe in. So kudos, you and yours are probably a bastion of hope in a smattering of hate =P!
several years ago main road on my way to work was closed for a month. alternative routes was bad and worse, so i reluctantly ditched car and tried cycling instead because cycling route was okay, hoping i will somehow handle that one month.
quickly realized i'm rather enjoying cycling, month passed and i didn't event thought about getting back in a car. i'm cycling ever since. commuting to and from work, cycling recreatively, doing 100km rides all around the area and the country, joined a club, enjoying every bit of cycling which makes me happy.
the road maintenance overall changed me, led me to find something that fullfills me, breaks down the stress, make me happy, change my mindset and made me be more active.
This is huge! I bet you it felt like 1m bucks! You've probably extended your lifetime by quite a bit, but you clearly are more fulfilled as a whole which is a big piece of the puzzle =)
My birth was a pretty big event that changed my life drastically. I wish it never happened..
Depression is a bitch. I hope you can find some reprieve in other pleasures than imagining not existing somewhere down the line. I have a friend who got shocks and is much happier since. If you have the resources, and many other things failed to help - you might want to look into ECT. But also, yet again - not a doctor. Just saying I saw it actually help someone who had a lot of trouble existing. But also, there are a thousand different constructive roads to take ahead of that point. GL!
Thanks for the info, I'll keep this in mind. Also, I'm glad to hear your friend got better.
Yeah, no worries! I know it sounds freakin' scary because it's like they used to do it in nut houses and torture people with it. But it's way different now than it used to be. They said it does cause memory issues. So I will warn that. But overall way happier, I think because it zaps out all the stuff that's been holding you down. I mean - I'm no doctor and I am just reporting on what I heard. But I hadn't ever even heard about it being used and when I looked into it I was surprised it is in fact a valid treatment for depression.
When I was in my 20's, I always gave 200% at the jobs I worked at. I was young and naive and believed I would eventually be rewarded for all the hard work I put in, even on weekends and night shifts.
Then I got burnout, because I was working at a pace my body just couldn't sustain anymore.
It changed my life drastically. I learned to value my health and free time and to prioritize that over the needs of my employer. I learned that hard work doesn't neccessarily bring you any benefits, it mostly benefits your employer. I also learned that nobody cares when your health is fucked up - for your employer, you're just a cog in the machine that can be replaced.
Nowadays I only work four days a week and I don't give a shit about what happens on Fridays anymore. Server is down? Not my problem, get someone else to fix it.
I also learned to stand up for myself. I'm not getting paid like a monkey anymore and if you promise me a raise and then pretend like that never happened afterwards, you'll have my resignation on your desk, printed out by the company printer right in front of you.
Hotdogs are deadly weapons in the hands of those not-prepared. I have def chucked a dog or two. No worries, shitting your pants is embarrassing but you more than likely did it because you were sick. And bodies dgaf about social scenarios if they're unwell.
What is that thing called? The Call of the Void? You just answered it. Hahaha! You know, at the end of the day, at least your weekends were free? I still vote you were sick though. Could even have been anxiety. Hope you've given yourself some space and tlc over it.
Hahaha, that's awesome =) Way healthy response to a shitty situation =P
Sure as hey does! Congrats? As in foster kid -> adoptee or as in adopted at birth? Cause I think one can be sweeter than the other. Most individuals I have known who were adopted at birth tended to not be the ethnicity of their adopters and it always kinda messed up their head in that "searching for self" kind of way. But that's not to say people shouldn't adopt kids, let alone kids of different ethnicities. I just mean that it can spring up an issue that will need some tending to down the road.
Reminds me of that scene from Super Mario RPG with Mallow who was adopted by frogmen.
"I'm a frog, but can you believe it? I can't jump. Embarrassing huh?"
I was somewhere in between. I had been born for a while but still baby-ish, it wasn't like Narnia where I was old enough to absorb it. My adoptive parents were a different ethnicity but looked enough like me to pass. Legend goes they told me about being second-hand parents early on and I was oddly skeptical enough that little me laughed in their face.
Hahahaha! This is very cute. It's something you've got to approach when ethnicities don't match right? I had the issue growing up in a very mixed family. We had a lot of skin tone variation, and we had long distance family you know? And I legit thought Uncle Ben was my uncle - because my ma would be talking about how certain uncles would be sending stuff - and I thought our uncle had sent rice or something. And how fortunate we were to have an uncle sending rice =P!
Now there's an uncle who knows that with great power comes great responsibility.
To all you long-distant uncles out there, send your loved ones stuff because they will grow up thinking you're way richer and way more powerful than you actually are and you can use that to flex!
Enlisting in the military.
I was an insufferable piece of shit back in the day, constantly self sabotaging and blaming everyone else for the problems I caused. I was on the verge of homelessness due to my own stubbornness and bad attitude.
The military gave me the swift kick in the ass that I desperately needed. Now I can self reflect and recognize when the problem is me, and I can admit when I'm wrong and course correct.
Military isn't for everyone, but for me it was exactly what I needed. I learned a ton of life skills and healthy coping mechanisms that my parents never taught me.
I've met some wonderful former military as of late. They're some of the kindness, easy going folk. They just believe in teamwork, and they're absolutely zero-fuss. I really dig people who benefit from the whole exprience. I just wish it was the common take-away. But really, grounded military are amazing.
To add some positivity to all those sad stories: For me the most dramatic life changing event was the birth of my first child. Suddenly (okay, we knew for a few months, but it still feld like "suddenly") we weren't just a couple, we were a family.
100% the best thing in my life.
I have heard, although you know - not happening here as far as I know, that the birth of your first child is a wonderful event that sort of cements you into this larger web of the magic and mysteries of life. I've had two friends who recently had births, one who is doing quite well and the other who is struggling. But the both of them seem to be happier overall with their decisions. And the one who is struggling sort of has this struggle with or without the babe. So we always knew it was a possibility and the best thing that I can say is that the awareness and the love have truly helped them navigate the space they're in.
Congratulations btw, I am glad you're happy =)
It's been ten years and we've got two now, but I think you can still congratulate. :)
Hahaha! If I had em, two would be it. That'd be the number. Cause the first one can guide the second one, and the second one can guide the first one. But it's funny cause I've been watching Dr. Katz - and the thing is there's this guy who talks about having kids. He says the first one is life-changing. The second one, you're not sure if you can love them as much as the first and the truth is - you end up loving them almost as much and it's right there. Then the third one comes along...
Reading the manga she likes homos not me. It's about this gay highschool student who wants to live a "normal" life so he hides his sexuality from his family and friends. The manga was absolutely heartbreaking and it was my first encounter with the shit people go through for being different and it made me realize that gay people are just people too, which should be obvious but I'm from a country where homophobia is normalized and even encouraged. I started thinking more after that and I guess that's when it clicked to me really that everybody deserves love.
Yo, that lady lived out where I lived out of. My ex and I would walk to her place and look up. She's why all I classified my gender identity as dyke for the longest. Because I didn't really fit either side of the coin, nor feel either which way. While I have met people who are the way she is (that whole stone butch thing) really at the end of the day if she was born today she'd probably either just end up being like me or just straight up trans-masc. Awesome drop though =)
Yeah, it's mad crazy how normalized homophobia is in a lot of cultures. I once saw some well of folks complaining that we don't need Pride anymore. And while they were having fun stroking each other's egos they seemed to have missed the mark that there are people losing their lives and homes over this stuff to this day. So eh. But it's beauitufl, those moments when you see people are people are people.
One thing I could mention that was crazy was right after Trump had been elected. I went to the Women's March in Chicago and all kinds showed up. But the crowd that had gathered was more than could be handled, so they shut it down. But then everyone started marching anyways. And we all went in this large square, ending at the Trump Tower. There were so many signs, and even though I had a really basic phone (like actual dumb phone) I pulled off some pictures that I still look back at them in awe. One of the sillier things that happened there were these two white chicks were dancing together on top of trash cans singing negro spirituals and myself and these two black chicks in front of me who were slipping through the crowd all laughed our asses off. Towards the end, my friends and I split and I hopped up into The Cultural Center and looked outwards at the dispersing crowd. And I took a video on my fantastically dumb phone, and it captured so perfectly the chaos of the event paired with the beauty of that city. But it was also so surreal in some way, as I was the only one around at the time. Not even the guards were there. And it was so silent. And I sat in a room filled with quilts, and stared out at the city I loved and felt so much pride for the people who came together to try and show the world that they don't buy Trump's bullshit.
I mean also not to brag, but we scared his ass off when he came through =P! So yeah, it was all really nice to see. And it was completely non-violent. Which I also like, because as protests went on things got grottier and grottier until whole cities were total chaos pits. But it was a nice thing to experience.
Being accepted into a friend group in Junior High (middle school).
I had some kind of neuro-divergence, but undiagnosed since it was the 1960s. No friends, and I couldn't understand the world; I thought there was some "secret manual" that everyone got except me, telling them how social interactions worked.
Then a band of misfits took me in. There were about 8-10 of them, and some special guest friends that made appearances from time to time. Male and female. All kinds of different people, popular and unpopular. And they accepted me. Weird me. Turned my life completely around.
That's really lovely! Are you still friends or in contact with them today?
I was taken under the wing of a motherly school friend after I was ostracized and bullied by previous 'friend' group....I got my diagnosis 30+ years later
I'm still in contact with one of them, the one I was closest to.
Hey, then at least you've got everything you need. I have had some friends reach out recently and we've walked down memory lane. Consider reaching out to them and seeing what all they're up to. People love hearing from people they love but have lost touch with. At least in my experience.
Nothing yet, unfortunately. I've been in trouble so many times. I never learn.
I'm almost afraid to type this, but I think it's gonna take a serious incident to change me.
I'm not violent, I'm not a thief, I'm not a pervert. I refuse to hurt, or put anyone at risk of being hurt. I just make dumb decisions that affect me.
If you find that you're having trouble always making "dumb" decisions you might want to get yourself checked out for ADHD. Because I myself have it, and medicated and unmediated isn't a SEA of difference, but it does help. Likewise, someone I know also has it and really harmed themselves with their impulse control. They kept pushing it further and further - until like you said. They're also medicated now, and while they still need to push it (I think it's hardwired) - their level of what pushing it is has come down dramatically.
I mean, my dad dying when I was a preteen, is the thing that stands out. Pretty much everything that's happened since then has been shaped by his death in some way, everything from my philosophy and politics, to my material hardships, to my heroes and role models, to the way I clean my teeth, to the places I've been and people I've met and media I've enjoyed, and even to the ways I relate to gender, family, work, nationality and language, and society in general, and that's certainly not an exhaustive list, and all of these things go into each other as well.
I'm not sure if something so profoundly impactful on every facet of one's life can be described as "for better or worse", though, rather than that it simply is what it is...
To spare the more morbid details, I somehow got it into my head that my dad died because he'd been "poisoned by accidentally swallowing mouthwash". And so I stopped using mouthwash because I was scared that it would kill me "too". Eventually this came up in conversation with my mom, and she told me that I was mistaken — but I just never really got back into using mouthwash despite that reassurance. I think a part of this was just that I associated mouthwash with my dad so strongly that using it without him was too uncomfortable.
It's funny what small details kids latch onto and carry with them for the rest of their lives. If it helps, you should check out the song "What about Mouthwash?" by the late Trevor Moore
Someone cracking their skull on a concrete floor soaked in hydraulic oil
No thank you! Ugh.
Blue collar accidents are unbelievably horrible because they show you the limitations of our fleshy bodies against pretty much any other element.
Well i have survived about a dozen such trips and slips just in the last couple years with only a few light bruises to show for em. Concrete definitely has no give so you gotta learn to fall so that the impact is minimized. I have done that for the most part.
Hahaha, my partner skates concrete and it is absolutely the most insane material to skate on. Although I suppose it was the only material for the longest. But there's others that she vouches don't hurt as much (as long as you're not falling straight down). But I knew a guy who got the skin ripped off his hand and was insanely lucky for having a tool belt on because he got someone's attention and they stopped the machine that was pulling him in.
